Love and Marriage

After California legalized gay marriage, every conservative has been rushing to get their name at the top of the list of people who hate gays.

The column that takes the cake for me is the one I read today. This woman was a writer from the Ethics and Public Policy center, a Catholic conservative think tank of crap manufactured to tow the party line. The column argued that the problem with gay marriage is that it is a break from the traditional marriage, and the traditional marriage and family is the backbone of our healthy society. Marriage isn’t discriminatory, she said, but it exists because that is the situation that benefits the human species and is necessary for reproduction. Anything else is unnatural.

Now, let’s think about this for a second. First premise: traditional marriage. Traditional marriage had nothing to do with the fact that it is a good situation for kids. Marriage came about as a way to own women. Kids came out of those property exchanges, and then the women were stuck in them with a second kind of adhesive. When women had no right to divorce, women had to work at saving relationships. Maybe that’s why they call it “making it work.” If you’re forced to be somewhere you don’t want to be, they call it work.

Secondly, to the argument that (and stop me if you’ve heard this one) gay marriage is “unnatural.” Basically, our entire society comes not from nature, but a creation of our collective imagination, innovation, and, yes, evolution. Perhaps that argument doesn’t hold water for these esteemed thinkers because they don’t believe in evolution. That aside, these people haven’t changed in 200 years, when they first began arguing against interracial marriage.

I have to say, homosexuality is not an invention of modern times. For many thousands of years, literature from less prudish cultures and eras than the European tradition has documented many, many homosexual relationships throughout the ages. These people who claim homosexuality, or homo eroticism, even, to be unnatural are suppressing it within themselves. Let’s face it: most of us have had homosexual attractions. I know many, many people who have had same-sex attractions or love interests who may or may not have acted upon them.

That aside, let’s think of it another way. WHO CARES? Why do these people invest so much time and energy into butting into everyone else’s lives? And if marriage is weakened, who cares? It wasn’t started to make people happy; it began as a way to control women and exchange property. We have come a long way since then; so should the “sacred” union of marriage.

Which brings me to another interesting discussion: why is it that couples who live together before marriage have higher rates of divorce than couples who do not? Is it because many people who live together decide that they should eventually get married for financial reasons? Is it because “relationship inertia,” as I heard it described brilliantly by a co-worker today?

I really don’t know the answer to this question, but I have to say, I think marriage is outdated and stupid. I mean, it’s great if you’re living with someone to whom you are completely committed and in love with to be able to make that publicly known. However, marriage as an institution for society as a whole is incompatible with the modern world.

People have always stayed in marriages for many of the wrong reasons, like financial ones or cultural ones. Now, people are still entering into marriages for the wrong reasons, like family pressure or for tax breaks. Marriage is seen as the “logical next step,” and it would seem that the term itself is a harbinger of doom. It’s so weighted, and then there are all those absolutes. “’Til DEATH do you part. FOR-E-VER.” I mean, who wouldn’t be scared of that? There are plenty of reasons why people should get out of marriages, like abuse or infidelity. The thing is, most people take on marriage now without really meaning it. It’s not modern relationships that are causing this devaluation of marriage, but society. It’s so commercial. It’s about a dress, a huge party, and a big-old ring. Love is so romanticized, and it’s cheapened in the process. It’s not always like it is in the movies, and I think that’s hard for everyone to deal with.

And the truth is, it’s these same depressed, lonely, and hateful conservatives who are creating a world in which marriage is destined to fail – and they’re making a lot of money in the process. So, while they’re sitting in their townhouses telling gays to go back into the closet and admonishing the demise of traditional institutions, they could really care less.

All the courts in California said last week is that gay people are the same as straight people. They have every right to be as miserable as the rest of the people of this fine country. It’s about rights. To be honest, I wish we were fighting a more relevant battle; this one’s like fighting to be granted a seat on a crashing plane.

I’m completely in love, and I may get married someday, but I don’t need this meaningless institution to solidify my relationship. All I need is Uncle Sam’s tax benefit. Since I’m moving to California, HAND IT OVER.