A Profound Lack of Leadership

Hello friends. Sorry it has been so long.

I just finished watching American Experience on KQED. You may recall from previous posts that I am a big fan of public media, though I watch PBS infrequently. Much more of a public radio person.

But tonight's episode is the final one of "A House Divided," about Lincoln's final 6 months of life. The passage of the 13th Amendment. The end of the Civil War. And then, merely four days later, assassination. Horrible. I cried, which should come as no great shock to those who know me.

Lincoln was a great president. One of character, deep abiding principle, and tenacity. He fought for what he believed in. He managed incredible division across the country during our most trying time. And he fundamentally changed our country for the better.

President Obama is a big fan of Lincoln, and I would love to say that his legacy will be viewed in future years as similarly transformative. Since those are huge shoes to fill, I would have settled for a progressive legacy at least. But based on what happened over the past few weeks, I just cannot see myself in years hence looking back on his presidency with anything but disappointment and dismay.

Of course, I'm thinking now about today's debt ceiling vote and the travesty I feel that it is. Spending cuts to hurt many if not most, tax increases for none, not even for those who can afford it. So much for sharing the pain and the social compact. I'm told they spared food stamps from the chopping block. I suppose I should be thankful for that, though that is setting the bar really, really low. And God only knows what else will be cut in the coming months.

Maybe this can still be salvaged from the depths before it's all over, but I have my doubts, because I feel that our politicians, particularly the Democrats, lack those qualities attributed to Lincoln. Principle. Responsibility. Courage. The only people who stood up for anything, misguided and wrong that they are, were those super conservative "Tea Party" Republicans. They have successfully led their constituents down the primrose path towards what I (along with Paul Krugman, someone far more qualified) fear will be further economic disaster, and at the end, middle class America will be sacrificed on the altar of big business.

Throughout all this, Democrats stood for very little. They were the party of "No, please, no..." and never made a case for themselves and their viewpoint. They rolled over. President Obama asked us to tweet our disapproval to Congress. How's that for leadership?

So tonight, I am left feeling that people I thought cared about what I care about are pathetic and spineless and are undeserving of my political devotion. They didn't try hard enough to convince people that they were right. And so, we will have to deal with the consequences of truly misguided policy that will result in a wider gap between rich and poor for years and years to come.

America's house is divided. But unlike in 1865, we do not have a President who will stand up and do what is right. It is a sad, sad day, not only for progressives, but for everyone.

Remember Your Source

I have to admit. In 2010, I was an angry voter. I still am angry, but more than angry, I'm disappointed. I'm disappointed in the members of the party to which I belong that don't have the guts to stand up for themselves, much less for those who are most vulnerable and need their help. I'm disappointed in the useless, mindless banter that brings no clarity to the real issues. And finally, I'm disappointed in the violent - yes, violent - political rhetoric that demonizes the other side and constantly challenges the patriotism of the opposition, serving to anger and provoke, not challenge and engage.

Those three of you know that I work for public media because I feel it is the only source of information that doesn't make me want to turn off and tune out. I listen exclusively to NPR not because it affirms my worldview, contrary to popular perception, but because it makes me think, it helps me learn, and it doesn't resort to name-calling or hate-mongering. It's just better.

But back to my disappointment.

There's a lot of chatter today about Sarah Palin's aggressive denunciation not of the shooter in Arizona and the hateful politics of which many people have accused her in its aftermath, but of those who have placed blame on her for her mean-spirited politicking. "Don't look to me. Each person is responsible for his or her actions alone - no one made him do it."

What's interesting about her video is that at no point in those seven minutes does she take a moment to reflect on the fact that tons of people are blaming her and her "movement" for an atmosphere that leads to violence. She's accurate in saying that politics is always dirty. But instead of using her position as a person of authority with a strong and loyal following to change some attitudes about how we interact with each other, about political discourse and what it could be, she does nothing more than cement the viewpoint of her base in a selfish, stubborn way. Instead of taking responsibility for moving the country in a better, more united, more enlightened direction, she takes none and plans to change nothing.

Did I expect something more? Maybe. Because deep down underneath all the cynicism I now possess, I harbor a hope that things could get better someday, that it won't always be like this, because the majority of people really are looking for more from their leaders than the mindless dribble they regularly give us.

Sadly, with each passing day, my hope and faith in America and Americans dwindles. Congress is trying once again to strip government funding from NPR, PBS, and other public media. They seem to think the right thing to do is to silence the one reliable source of thoughtful, engaging information, apparently not seeing that public media is the one place an American can go to escape the hate.

I'll just close with saying this. I too have been looking for answers in light of the Arizona shootings. I have been looking for guidance and trying to understand how to prevent things like this from happening in the future. What I have found is a lot of intelligent debate and discussion, along with lots of finger-pointing. Perhaps we can all take a minute to think about what we can learn from this. Just remember to check your sources. Some help you learn and will make you better- others won't.

Career Paths

It occurs to me that career paths exist much in the same way that that tubing path I missed yesterday exist. Sometimes, you veer off of them just when you think it's going in the right direction.

I know that fundraising is important in the non-profit world, and I think I could be a good one. But as I watched my favorite movie, How to Train Your Dragon, produced with the help of my friend, it occurred to me that I want to do something that leaves a lasting legacy. I want to do something that people remember. Currently, I'm feeling like what I do doesn't matter, and the only people who are leaving a legacy are those who give, not those who help get those gifts.

So what am I doing, exactly? What do I want to do? And how can I make money at it?

I welcome your comments and suggestions.

Tubing

Hilarious. Enjoy.

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Snow!

Hooray! Snow! So good to be home!

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A New Day!

It's December, folks. That means a few things.

First, it's cold. Even here in Sunny California, it is cold, and wet, and generally miserable.

Second, everyone, including myself, is stressed. I have bought a series of gifts for those in my family, those with whom I keep company, and soon must buy a gift for a coworker that I really like.

Now, I love buying gifts, truly I do. I love the look on a child's - or adult's, because let's be honest, adults get pretty excited, too - face when he or she rips open that present on Christmas Day and it's everything he or she wanted in a gift. I've never been the hero before, and this year, that's changing. Still, worrying about money is stressful.

Which makes vacation planning even more stressful. It's a long ways away, it's a lot - a LOT - of money to consider spending, and it's in a place that I'm completely unfamiliar with, as is the case with many vacations. BUT there is a HUUUGE upside - which is spending 4 days with great friends and my better half in ski paradise.

Apparently, all the best things in life require a struggle. The thing is, you come out on the other side better. Happier. Stronger. Or, in my case, poorer. But it's only money.

Just watched Dan in Real Life, which is my favorite movie of the last 10 years. Before that, for some perspective, my favorite movie was Ever After, recorded off of HBO by my sister for me so many years ago. I think I've officially moved on, however, to Dan in Real Life. A honest, feel-good story about love and its complications with Steve Carell, a genius in so many ways. It makes me laugh out loud, it makes me cry, it makes me wax philosophical. But I'll spare you.

Before watching that movie, it is worth noting that I washed dishes, nearly all of them. Instead of eating dinner, I danced in my living room. Nothing is quite as satisfying of a release as dancing alone, no one watching, judging, or mocking you, for a little exercise. I even recorded myself for a friend who had had a tough night in hopes of getting a laugh. Mission: accomplished. Making an arse of yourself to Justin Bieber will do that. But it's all fun and honestly, who wouldn't enjoy doing that?

Ok, so this wasn't a meaningful post. But hello blog, I've missed you. I'm going to make an honest attempt to keep you somewhat up to date. You are the only place where I can write from the heart and not worry about who I'm channeling. I'm never off the mark when it's only me.

Equality for Women and Girls

I found this on a website some time ago and have been meaning to post it for some time. It's a talk from 2009 about how to build coalitions and accelerate women's equality around the world.

Boo, I Suck

I've been lying in bed trying to get to sleep, but I have one thought running through my head.

I missed a key - and EASY - penalty kick today. It has severely shaken my belief in myself and my abilities as a soccer player.

Pathetic? Not nearly as pathetic as the shot was. It's like I psyched myself out. Twice! Once in taking a slow, crappy shot almost directly down the middle, and then again when I thought I wasn't allowed to touch the ball a second time on the rebound, so I stopped running for the ball. Apparently, the rule is that it is a live ball once the keeper touches it.

You know, I have taken penalty shots before in my career. And I have made probably 70% of them. We really could have used this goal today. It was demoralizing. And I'm annoyed.

Anyway, those are my thoughts. I'm hoping I'll get over it eventually. Mainly so I can get some sleep and go to work tomorrow bright-eyed and bushy tailed. At least bright-eyed.

My newest niece Mia

I had a wonderful time visiting the East coast - once I got over being really sick with pink eye and a sinus infection. It took me a few days to get to visiting and it was too short of a trip as a consequence, but it was wonderful seeing everyone I came to see and having a good time with the family.

I finally met my new niece, Mia Rachel. She is very cute and I took a quick video. Check it out.

Aloo Gobi

The gf is making it. I'm still recovering from being sick, so I'm useless except for washing dishes, which is what I've been doing for two days. I think tomorrow night I will cook something - perhaps omelets? I watched Julia Child do it on PBS yesterday and I'm sure I can do it. It turns out I've been doing it wrong for some time now. I didn't get the pan hot enough and wasn't using enough butter. Now that Julia has corrected my technique, my special dinner will be better.

Ok that's all I have energy for today. New resolution: write on my blog more.

A Good Night - Really!

I'm dancing in my living room/kitchen. Really, the kitchen is so small I must dance in the living room or risk serious injury.

"Now if she does it like this, will you do it like that
Now if she touches like this, will you touch her right back
Now if she moves like this, will you move it like that (come on)
Shake shake, shake shake uh shake it!"

Life is good. I'm not sure why precisely, though I have some ideas, and overall I have a very strong feeling that things are going to start going our way. Maybe a job in San Francisco for me? Signs are promising, as long as I keep my crap together, beginning with getting my head around managing stuff. I need to act like a 35-year-old. I think can manage that. The gf is quitting her crappy job, so she'll be happier, which will in turn make me happier. This is one of the main components of a relationship, I've learned: commiseration. That's what makes a friend more than a friend. If your pain affects the other person, or your joy, and vice versa, then it's something more.

I'm also getting into better shape, losing a little weight, cooking more, feeling more confident in the kitchen, and experimenting with some stuff. I just made whipped cream in anticipation of a cheesecake at the end of the week for a potluck to which we were invited. Ok, whipped cream is not a big deal. But a cheesecake? A pumpkin cheesecake nonetheless, like the one my sister made for Thanksgiving.

Cheesecake for Thanksgiving, you ask? Yes, my family does this thing where since I'm the only one that likes pure pumpkin pie, we do a variation of pumpkin pie each year to try to get others to enjoy it (is it obvious that I am the most tolerant and open-minded person in the family?). Thus, I haven't had real pumpkin pie on Thanksgiving with my family in probably about 5 years. I respect the attempts to popularize what, in America, is already a pretty popular dish, but sometimes, I just want creamy, filling, orange squash pie. In any case, this cheesecake blew me out of the house. It was absolutely amazing, so I will attempt it myself tomorrow night. Wish me luck!

Another thing that is making me happy is a bit of a crush. I have absolutely no right to have a crush on this woman, but she's cute and funny, so that makes me excited and flirty. Flirting is fun, people - and I highly recommend it.

I also want to confess a dream I've had for some time now - I really, really, really want to do karaoke at work. Mostly because I think I'm amazing at karaoke, as anyone from college can confirm - not that I'm good, I mean, but that I think I'm good. Modesty has never been a strong point of mine, particularly when it comes to music/singing. And I want to impress my co-workers, admittedly some more than others, with my incredible singing and dancing. Ha.

Speaking of music, if and when I move to San Francisco in the coming weeks/months, I will attempt to join the Bay Area Rainbow Symphony. It's a symphony made up primarily of gay men, an amateur one, and a friend of mine from back in the day - dirty Jersey (eww I can't believe I just said that) - is in it. He's convinced me that I should do it, not like I needed much prodding. I miss orchestra playing, and I'd be psyched to get into a chamber group from that group as well. The possibilities are endless!

Finally, I've decided I'm going to try to write a novel. That's going to be my ticket to fame and fortune - or at least a feeling of satisfaction that I might be able to ride until it runs out of batteries - or skate on until I lose momentum (just practicing my metaphors). Maybe I've been listening too much to This American Life, but some days, I pull into my little parking spot and think, "What happened to me would make a great story. I should write it down." And then I promptly forget it. So I've decided that each day, I'm going to come home and write for 30 minutes about my day. We'll see how that goes. I think it's called a journal - remember those? Before blogs, Facebook status updates, and Twitter, people used to come home and write in real books, on paper, with pens. I used to have a journal in college. It fell by the wayside when I got happier with my life. I think I need to pick it up again - it was a valuable hobby for me. It helped my memory, I think... though I can't really remember.

Alright, I've exhausted my topics for tonight. Perhaps I'll write again tomorrow, if I'm done with my cake around the time that the Internet is working again. To quote a great email newsletter, "Be well, do good work, and keep in touch."

PS - Write Christmas cards!

Paul Krugman Rocks My World

He rocks. I heard him last night at the Flint Center in beautiful Cupertino, CA on the campus of De Anza College. He was witty, funny, and elucidating - or as much as one can be when discussing the economic nuclear holocaust in which we are currently engulfed. It wasn't happy news, people - optimist, perhaps, he is not. Realist, though, he most certainly is- tempered by a heavy dose of intelligent liberalism. And he saw this one coming - read his book.

His talk in a nutshell: we will be out of this recession in 15 years according to the only statistic that truly matters to the general public: unemployment at the same rate before it began in 2007. For us to get from the current 10.2% to the before-the-recession rate of 5%, it will take about 15 years at the current rate of economic growth. Asked whether or not this downturn/depression will contribute in the long-term to economic inequality, he answered that in the short-term, no. But in the long-term, it remains to be seen. I'm guessing yes.

In between those dire predictions, he talked about the bank bailout, which is separate from the stimulus package, executive pay, and other pertinent topics. He mentioned that executive bonuses are detrimental in that they are actually so large that they take away from the capital that these banks so desperately needed, but they wouldn't otherwise be super offensive. From a public relations perspective, though, they are a disaster.

The final conclusion of the night: we need more stimulus, even though it is a political fantasy not grounded in possibility, much less probability. We needed about $1.4 trillion back in January, not the measley $700 billion we got, and so things are more sluggish than they could be. He also recommended some kind of huge job stimulus like the Works Progress Administration or the Civilian Conservation Corps of the 1930s (to which, by the way, we owe our National Parks). Can't say that it would be a bad idea, though that kind of "socialist takeover of our economy" would never happen with this Congress.

Anyway, he rocks. Check out one of his recent columns from the New York Times. Also, kudos to the host of the night, Dick Henning, and founder of the Celebrity Forum Speaker Series, who was hilarious. My favorite joke of the night: "Winston Churchill and Mrs. Nancy Astor used to have frequent heated discussions at the bar. On one occasion, Mr. Churchill said to Mrs. Astor, "Madam you are ugly." To which she responded, "Mr. Churchill, you are drunk." Mr. Churchill retorted: "Yes, but tomorrow, I'll be sober!" It's a good one. That Winston Churchill...

Toodles, my wonderful followers and infrequent readers! Hope you enjoyed your time spent here- I know I did.

Crissy Field Adventure

View Crissy Field w/ Erin and Terrel in a larger map

I Want to Be Important

I'm not very important. I don't really do anything very important, no one reads what I write, even at work, and everyone else has important meetings for the sake of meeting other important people. I'm never invited because, well, I'm insufficiently important.

Boo. Being young sucks sometimes.

A Short B***h Session

I just felt like coming here and expressing some frustration. Things I don't like:

1. Friends who don't get back to me.
2. Coming to grips with the fact that those people are no longer my friends.
3. Dealing with other people's ineptitude.
4. Being hormonal.
5. Feeling emo with no real outlet.
6. Documentaries that use the same phrase over, and over, and over again, e.g. "But this was not enough to protect it. (Insert activist name here) knew that to save the land, it needed to be a National Park." Sorry, Ken Burns- I was not that impressed in retrospect. Still, I will visit the national parks.
7. Republicans whose only policy initiative is to make the Democrats lose. We don't need you to do that- we can do that very well ourselves, thanks.
8. Automatic responses from "Senators" that make it obvious they did not read your email. At least pretend in a more compelling way.
9. People who create separate non-profit organizations instead of combining resources with other existing institutions who could do the job better. Because we really need more NGOs to which I feel compelled to give money.
10. Duplicating work.

I think I will leave it at that. Feel free to back me up on any of these things, reader/s.

I Had a Point to Make Earlier

I have since forgotten it. So let's move on.

I ordered cable television today. Some months back, the gf and I bought a digital antenna to see if we could get free digital television. Really, I just wanted to get KQED and KTEH so that I could speak intelligently about what was on the stations for which I work. Needless to say, it was a miserable failure. We mounted the Batman-symbol-esque antenna onto every wall in the house, even contemplated suspending it from the ceiling, but ultimately decided it was not worth it. If I wanted television, I was going to have to buy into the monopoly of Comcast. But Danielle, isn't DirecTV cheaper in some areas? Yes. But sadly, we can't mount anything outside of the apartment. Not out the window. Not on the public balcony. Nowhere. So we are codemned to cable. I wouldn't mind if it were the better out of many options, but it seems unfair. But it doesn't bother me enough to not get it, apparently. Anyway it's only $15 a month.

Today is Sunday. In fact, the last Sunday before the NFL season starts. Every Sunday from now on for the next 4 months will involve sport watching. I look forward to it, but I must remind myself to leave the apartment for my indoor soccer games. I don't want to be that girl with the unsightly beer gut. I don't think it would ever get to that point, but one can never be too careful.

Tomorrow, I will be going to the library to write a long email to a friend I have not written to in some time. I told him that I would write him an email before I could resume writing letters as we had previously done because I had things to say that couldn't possibly wait an extra three weeks. Now that it's only a week before the cast comes off, however, I wonder if that is truly the case. Is my life so important as to warrant a long email tomorrow? Unlikely, but I will do it anyway because I'd like to think of myself as a woman of her word.

Ok, I don't think I have anything more to add. Already listened to my favorite podcasts- This American Life, Wait Wait Don't Tell Me, and The Moth. I think that constitutes a day. It's time to go for a run. Cheers!

A Country's Emotions

This week, I attended a Town Hall Meeting with the lovely Congresswoman Anna Eshoo from California's 14th (CA-14 for those of you following along at home includes Menlo Park, Palo Alto, Mountain View, Sunnyvale, and hugs the coast all the way down to Santa Cruz). For a better map than my description, visit her homepage. I wanted to go and be a part of it all and see what all the media outlets were talking about. Well, sorry to disappoint, but no one brought a gun, there were no fights, and the protesters were sedate. They stood there respectfully, the single-payer 'Raging Grannies' sang a song, the real nut jobs passed out silly flyers, there was a guy who tried to tell me to think like him in order to think for myself, Oraganizing for America people were there trying to get me to volunteer, and there were police maintaining the fire code. I was laughing all the way into the crowded auditorium. People are nuts. Had it been for an issue like school vouchers, no one would have showed up. Two years ago, if we had started having town hall meetings, I would have guessed that no one would have come for a healthcare discussion either. Maybe they wouldn't have. In any case, they are coming out now.

The hall was packed. The auditorium held about 900 people, and there were very few open seats by the time I arrived a few minutes late. Local television crews were inside I later discovered, because apparently it was on the news that night or the next day. The San Jose Mercury News covered it if you would like to read a little more. Originally I had intended to meet up with Planned Parenthood to make our voices heard about the necessity of including women's health options in the public plan, but I did not get a chance to meet with the group. I asked a question, however, and though it didn't make it to her at the meeting, I hope someone will read it and get my point. No surprise, it was about abortion and contraceptive coverage. One of PP's questions made it to her and she answered it, focusing not on contraception or abortion but mammograms and maternity leave. No one gets upset about that.

I sat in the progressive peanut gallery, next to a doctor, a couple who lamented the loss of the single-payer idea, and an aged hippie to my right who took the time to clap and scream at the crazy conservatives at the opposite end of the hall. My mom asked me if most people there were for or against the public option. I am unsure, but my guess was that most were for it, though those against were indeed very loud.

Rep. Eshoo scored a lot of points for her liberal base, talking about how she had voted against the Iraq War, the costs of which dwarf what we will spend yearly on healthcare reform, speaking kindly about Medicare as a public healthcare option (that most in the audience already had), and generally towing the party line while probably not convincing anyone who came in there disagreeing with her already.

Overall, my conclusion is that minds are not changing. Either public healthcare is a socialist takeover or a long-awaited human right, with most people falling somewhere inbetween. My other thought is that people are afraid of the unknown, which includes both a new government program and a black president. Much of this has to do with race anc ethnicity. The other part has to do with class.

The vehemence with which people are holding onto their deepest fears and prejudices is alarming to me. This country seems to be getting way out of control. I think the healthcare debate is at a boiling point and has been for a month or so, but other things are happening around the country too. People are angry, scared, and stressed.

A few coworkers recently expressed to me their displeasure with management, convinced that no one cared about them and their bosses were only out for themselves. Voices were raised. Unions were discussed. At a recent live television event KTEH had called "Facing the Mortgage Crisis," I received emails from people watching at home who were upset and angry about the economy and were desperate for help. I recently saw a clip of the football player from Oregon punch that kid from Boise State and then erupt to the point at which the police had to escort him off the field.



He's been suspended for the entire year, by the way.

I've noticed that I've been angrier lately, too, and more likely to fly off the handle. Breaking my hand was a consequence of that. I'm scared of the future, of my gf not being able to find a job, of not being able to afford a house, of going into debt, and I feel a stronger sense of personal insult. I have been feeling more stress, and I'm getting a little worried.

My concerns are minor compared to what most people in America are feeling, and people are scared and angry, not knowing to whom they should direct their anger and frustration. For one thing, we no longer live in an accountable society. Maybe we never did. But now, we spend our time obfuscating the guilty culprits, generalizing about Wall Street instead of individuals, so that everything seems systemic and therefore unable to fix or blame. Is this really the case, or are there some individuals whom we can hold accountable?

But maybe now is not the time for that. With the national temperature as high as it is, it may not be a good idea to point fingers. Perhaps what we really need is healing. I guess that's where healthcare comes in.

Wow- Thank Goodness for the Internet

That and children's television. I hope KTEH picks this up for their daily lineup.

More Sexism

I've already listened too much to these Senate confirmation hearings for Judge Sonia Sotomayor. I'm super annoyed at the sexism in these hearings. No man would ever be accused of having a temperament problem. Where do these guys get off? He's badgering and condescending- does he think it's southern charm?

From the New York Times: “Do you have a temperament problem?” he asked. No, she replied. But he pressed on, saying the comments about her were “tough stuff” and having been raised at this hearing, should offer her an opportunity for “self-reflection.”

What a jerk.

Carole Joffe: The Legacy of George Tiller

Carole Joffe: The Legacy of George Tiller

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