Cleveland... Rocks?

Hey all, and welcome to blog post number one from my trip across the country! I will include pictures when I have more than... three.

We woke up this morning at 7AM, though I was anxious and excited all night and the night before last as well. We finished packing, and then I took a look in the garage and was appalled to find more stuff I had forgotten. After deciding I could say no to approximately eight books from college, I took the West Side Story and Lord of the Rings DVDs out of the heretofore forgotten box and left my parents in tears. Fortunately, I got a chance to see them again because, in normal Danielle fashion, I left my bike in the garage at home. We went back and got it, which was after my parents finished crying, and set off again with the bike securely fashioned to the back of the crap-filled vehicle.

I took a few minutes for a cryfest and headed to my sister's house before departing for Ohio. She had made us pancakes, so we ate breakfast there and chatted about Lance Armstrong and Kate Hudson (who "has more mileage than the New Jersey Turnpike" - I hope she doesn't read my blog), among other things. When it was time to leave, my nephew Christopher decided he was going to throw a hissy, so it broke up the sadness of the moment and it was a not tearful goodbye. That was a break, I must confess.

Anyway, after that, we hit the road - hard, just like I hit all roads - and we set off through Pennsylvania and the land of many state forests to the greater Cleveland area, the land of fortified CVS drugstores. My better half's friend, with whom we are staying tonight, lives near Shaker Village, where the Shakers lived before, you know, they died from not reproducing. Silly religious cult. Anyway, when I got out of the car, I did the obligatory shake, which the Shakers did not do enough of, I can assure you, and then we settled in for a delicious dinner of pasta with pancetta and an egg-cheese mixture in addition to zucchini, red peppers, onions, cheddar cheese, and breadcrumbs. Delicious.

Anyway, I'm wiped after 8 hours of driving, but I have good news before I go: gas IS cheaper when you head away from the New York metropolitan area! Take that, New Yorkers!

Another Belated Blog Post

My apologies, dear reader, for I have been lax with the posting of the blog. (Somehow that just reminded me of Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story, when the Jewish producers say they like Dewey because of the “shaking of the tookus”… however one spells that in Yiddish.) In any case, I’m sorry.

I’m listening to This American Life, and they’re doing a thing on the Ten Commandments. My favorite quote: “The first thing [Evangelist sex books] always tell you is that sex is a beautiful gift from God, even though it’s a gift they don’t want you to touch or even think about because you’re just going to ruin it with your filthy paws. Any physical pleasure, even pleasure you give yourself, while alone, is completely forbidden.”

Now, if that isn’t a reason to abandon evangelical Christianity, then I don’t know what is. I mean, come on. “Guarding your heart against lust.” I think the idea that there exists love without lust is crazy – unless it means familial love. Lust while one is in love is the best kind there is; depriving yourself of that is dumb.

In other news, I just sat at the Port Authority for over 45 minutes waiting to get on a bus to come back to Jackson. Basically, fewer and fewer people are driving into the city because of gas prices, so more and more people are taking public transportation. Great, unless you’re a commuter, such as I am myself. If you are unfortunate enough to make those frequent trips, it means longer lines and, thus, a longer commute. It sucks. I wish these people didn’t own massive SUVs – then maybe they could afford the gas to go back to their normal lives of spending too much money on parking and too much time sitting in super frustrating traffic.

Ok, happy thoughts. My girlfriend and I have finally figured out our official route to Los Angeles. Since originally her mom’s criticism of the trip was that we were not taking enough time, we’ve been thinking about how we can lengthen it. It doesn’t seem like I’ll get to leave work early – what ever will we do? Well, as it always seems to go, stuff started working in my favor to solve this problem. The wedding invitation said Danielle and Guest, which means the gf was invited. Thus, instead of driving to LA and then having me drive up to Santa Cruz for this wedding by myself, we are going to stop in Santa Cruz on our way out to California, do the wedding, and then go to Los Angeles afterwards. A brilliant plan – I’m dating such a smarty. This way, we’ll be driving through Yosemite, the Badlands… all the lovely natural wonders between here and California.

Ok, that ends the post I wrote last week. Now for this week:

I’m reading a book I should have read in college called Welfare’s End by Gwendolyn Mink, daughter of Patsy Takemoto Mink. She’s a professor at UC Santa Cruz, and she’s making me want to go to history grad school and do contemporary feminism. Anyway, it basically advances the idea that welfare “reform,” which really means the dismantling of welfare, is an attack on poor women of color. Hmm… any ties to reproductive rights? Think they’re going after Jenna Bush’s freedom of choice? Nope. It’s really the poor women of color who will suffer if Roe v. Wade is overturned – not rich white people. Anyway, it’s poor women of color who really need their morals guarded by others – they just can’t take care of themselves! Thank goodness those right-wingers are looking after those who need it the most. Take away their welfare, their access to reproductive health, and make them slaves again.

Now, I’m thinking about ballot initiatives because we talked about it at work, and it occurs to me that the one reason this Colorado fetal personhood amendment will never pass is because it is a direct assault not just on poor women, but rich people. As a staff member pointed out today, granting personhood with constitutional rights to a fetus would basically eliminate in vitro fertilization methods and fertility treatments. It also endangers birth control, which affects all women, not just poor ones. It will fail because it pisses off all women, not just the ones who a) aren’t heard by the media or b) are too busy working their butts off to vote.

God Bless America.

Making a Statement, But Not One of Fashion

Yesterday evening, as I began my daily sprint for the Port Authority Bus Terminal at the end of a long day at work, I noticed something that had not previously dawned on me.

In New York City, 5PM means the end of daylight, especially in Midtown. The buildings that surround you completely obscure the dwindling sunlight, and even though the sun does not officially set until 8PM or so, it begins to grow gray. Thus, it would be somewhat inappropriate to wear sunglasses outside.

Almost every man on the street will have his sunglasses either in his shirt, tucked away in a case, or on his head just in case a sudden flash of light should render them useful once more before nightfall. Strangely enough, however, nearly 80% of the women defiantly wore their sunglasses.

Perhaps these women are optimists and love summer so much that they feel the need to wear sunglasses even at dusk. Or, maybe they are channeling Sex and the City and are showing their style with their sweet shades. I think, though, that there is yet another reason to risk falling in a pothole due to decreased visibility: security.

The summer months have to be the most trying for a member of the female, or as Simone de Beauvoir once elegantly put it, second, sex. Our clothes are by convention lighter, more transparent, tighter, and overall less covering. Sadly, this seems to mean it is open season for those of the opposite sex to gawk, whistle, or cat call any woman they deem attractive. In the winter, when this occurs, one may cast a disapproving glance in a man's direction or look down to show embarrassment at this complete violation of decency, but generally, one is caught in the awkward position of having to face someone who does it.

That is, until it gets to be springtime and warm enough to justify sporting the glasses. Sunglasses let us off the hook. Now, since it is almost inevitable for some jerk to stare at you or whistle rudely as you walk past, sunglasses create a barrier there that protects object of the gawk from the gawker. One may roll one's eyes without retaliation, or pretend not to hear it, and look sweet in the process. Women are so much more confident with their sunglasses on, especially those that cover nearly the entire face of the wearer. Amazing.

This is the sad state of the world, though. Women must put these barriers between them and the rest of the world in order to feel secure in their own bodies. Even on the subway, if one has the opportunity to justify wearing sunglasses for the entirety of the underground ride (because part of the route is above ground), it is taken with relish. It's the iPod for the eyes, another chance to avoid human interaction, and therefore, objectification.

When it comes to sunglasses, I must admit that I have come a long way from my earlier days of constant wear. When I was in high school, I wore the largest, bug-like sports sunglasses one could imagine. For my tiny head, they were always too massive, and not only did they obscure my eyes from everyone, they even reflected back the image before me. Thus, if someone were to stare into my sporty shades, they would only catch a glimpse of themselves, perfectly distorted like a fat mirror. Since them, I have grown a little more confident and can go with the simple brown matte glasses, unmirrored. Still, sometimes I miss the anonymity of my Oakleys, so I bought all of the various lenses so that I can use them to bike in almost any imaginable light.

Anyway, I guess the statement women make by wearing glasses at night is this: keep off and keep your thoughts to yourself. Not only do we not care, but we are too cool to give you the benefit of seeing that you made us look at you. Defiance is, after all, always in style.

Cooking, Like Life and Keeping a Blog, Is Hard

I have been terrible, dear readers, with keeping up with the blog as of late. One explanation, though not an excuse, is that I am now commuting back and forth from my place of business in New York to my place of residence in far-away New Jersey. Another is that I have not been contemplating my own existence lately. That ends now.

What have I been up to lately? Well, this past weekend, I evacuated my apartment. I say evacuated because it was quick and poorly organized, though appropriately done, and has resulted in a great deal of cleanup after the fact where all of my stuff currently resides back at home with my parents. After that was Memorial Day, which consisted of me playing with my sister's children ad exausteum (nope, not a word) and then consuming unhealthy amounts of meat. In fact, I would say that was a theme for the weekend. Ethics aside, each helping of processed meat beef was delicious. Normally I do not eat meat, but sadly, not because of a moral inclination on my part, but instead because it was too expensive for me to buy when I was living alone. Now, my parents buy the meat, so I eat whatever they put in front of me. And hey, if hot dogs and hamburgers are not present at a Memorial Day cookout, something's not right.

As a side note, Memorial Day isn't about patriotism, my sister informed me, but about honoring those who died. She's right, of course, but that does not preclude me from shivering at the sight of the American flag, even if it accompanies delicious beef. In spite of that, I had a lovely time.

Then began the week of work and three hours of commuting every day, which is decidedly not fun, not to mention this week and next are the longest in recorded history. You see, readers, after next Sunday, I will be living full-time with my girlfriend of nearly two years. First with my parents, and then with hers, but by then we will begin our lives together - and that is a reason to celebrate. I see the light at the end of the tunnel, but still I must work, which is... hard.

Beyond commuting, which is hard enough, I am getting discouraged by my lack of abilities. The thing I am focusing on currently is cooking. I cannot cook, and I think it's because of my undiagnosed attention deficit disorder. Basically, I start cooking, I get distracted, I try once again to reel myself in and focus, I do something for 5 minutes, and then I am back to not paying any heed of the boiling/steaming/sauteeing mess on the stove for which I am responsible.

I tried to make rice on Tuesday night, figuring I would bring in rice and beans (possibly in honor of Rent) to work. Sadly, I cannot for the life of me get the proportions of water to rice down to make an acceptable pot of rice. It either comes out burned or overcooked and pudding-like. After I failed once again, I had about a pound of terrible rice to deal with and decided to try to make fried rice. The recipe was near the stove, and I decided not to follow it at all and, naturally, I managed to make an eggy, soy-sauce-ey, oily pan of mush unacceptable to any human being. I became enraged and vowed not to cook until I stopped being an idiot.

I thought to myself, maybe I simply needed inspiration. I decided to pick up the nightstand book Aphrodite by Isabel Allende, which is exciting, intoxicating, and totally hot. This, however, made me want to burn calories, not put them together into an interesting dish. Sigh. At least the book is nearly over.

Part of growing up is facing the truth about yourself. One of those truths may be that I am not interested in cooking. I rarely enjoy it when I am alone, because I cook to feed myself, not out of pleasure. If it is mixed with something else, perhaps time with friends or a romantic activity, it's fun, but otherwise, I do not truly possess a love of food. I like good food, but I'm not a foodie.

Another truth is that I have no attention span. Work is hard for me. I wish I could have been born a more gifted athlete so I could be a professional soccer player. I seriously believe that was my calling, and somewhere along the line, I veered off course. Thus, I am forced to discover something else in which I take as much pleasure as soccer.

I'm tired of being asked what I'll be doing after I leave New York. I still am no closer to discovering my path than I was a week ago, so please, stop asking. I'm back to being depressed and pessimistic about my career, so I will be thriving on my personal life while I struggle to reconcile my dreams with reality. At least I still have dreams. And after all, I've managed to see the light at the end of my relationship tunnel. It's only a matter of time before I start to see the end of the next large tunnel in work life, right?

Luckily, or somewhat sadly, depending on how you look at it, at the age of 22, time is really what I have.

Love and Marriage

After California legalized gay marriage, every conservative has been rushing to get their name at the top of the list of people who hate gays.

The column that takes the cake for me is the one I read today. This woman was a writer from the Ethics and Public Policy center, a Catholic conservative think tank of crap manufactured to tow the party line. The column argued that the problem with gay marriage is that it is a break from the traditional marriage, and the traditional marriage and family is the backbone of our healthy society. Marriage isn’t discriminatory, she said, but it exists because that is the situation that benefits the human species and is necessary for reproduction. Anything else is unnatural.

Now, let’s think about this for a second. First premise: traditional marriage. Traditional marriage had nothing to do with the fact that it is a good situation for kids. Marriage came about as a way to own women. Kids came out of those property exchanges, and then the women were stuck in them with a second kind of adhesive. When women had no right to divorce, women had to work at saving relationships. Maybe that’s why they call it “making it work.” If you’re forced to be somewhere you don’t want to be, they call it work.

Secondly, to the argument that (and stop me if you’ve heard this one) gay marriage is “unnatural.” Basically, our entire society comes not from nature, but a creation of our collective imagination, innovation, and, yes, evolution. Perhaps that argument doesn’t hold water for these esteemed thinkers because they don’t believe in evolution. That aside, these people haven’t changed in 200 years, when they first began arguing against interracial marriage.

I have to say, homosexuality is not an invention of modern times. For many thousands of years, literature from less prudish cultures and eras than the European tradition has documented many, many homosexual relationships throughout the ages. These people who claim homosexuality, or homo eroticism, even, to be unnatural are suppressing it within themselves. Let’s face it: most of us have had homosexual attractions. I know many, many people who have had same-sex attractions or love interests who may or may not have acted upon them.

That aside, let’s think of it another way. WHO CARES? Why do these people invest so much time and energy into butting into everyone else’s lives? And if marriage is weakened, who cares? It wasn’t started to make people happy; it began as a way to control women and exchange property. We have come a long way since then; so should the “sacred” union of marriage.

Which brings me to another interesting discussion: why is it that couples who live together before marriage have higher rates of divorce than couples who do not? Is it because many people who live together decide that they should eventually get married for financial reasons? Is it because “relationship inertia,” as I heard it described brilliantly by a co-worker today?

I really don’t know the answer to this question, but I have to say, I think marriage is outdated and stupid. I mean, it’s great if you’re living with someone to whom you are completely committed and in love with to be able to make that publicly known. However, marriage as an institution for society as a whole is incompatible with the modern world.

People have always stayed in marriages for many of the wrong reasons, like financial ones or cultural ones. Now, people are still entering into marriages for the wrong reasons, like family pressure or for tax breaks. Marriage is seen as the “logical next step,” and it would seem that the term itself is a harbinger of doom. It’s so weighted, and then there are all those absolutes. “’Til DEATH do you part. FOR-E-VER.” I mean, who wouldn’t be scared of that? There are plenty of reasons why people should get out of marriages, like abuse or infidelity. The thing is, most people take on marriage now without really meaning it. It’s not modern relationships that are causing this devaluation of marriage, but society. It’s so commercial. It’s about a dress, a huge party, and a big-old ring. Love is so romanticized, and it’s cheapened in the process. It’s not always like it is in the movies, and I think that’s hard for everyone to deal with.

And the truth is, it’s these same depressed, lonely, and hateful conservatives who are creating a world in which marriage is destined to fail – and they’re making a lot of money in the process. So, while they’re sitting in their townhouses telling gays to go back into the closet and admonishing the demise of traditional institutions, they could really care less.

All the courts in California said last week is that gay people are the same as straight people. They have every right to be as miserable as the rest of the people of this fine country. It’s about rights. To be honest, I wish we were fighting a more relevant battle; this one’s like fighting to be granted a seat on a crashing plane.

I’m completely in love, and I may get married someday, but I don’t need this meaningless institution to solidify my relationship. All I need is Uncle Sam’s tax benefit. Since I’m moving to California, HAND IT OVER.

Traffic and Trafficking

I read an article in The New Yorker magazine about human trafficking. Wow, was it depressing. Basically, it exemplifies the idea of women as commodities for free trading around the world. Their bodies - or more appropriately, physiologies - are routinely degraded, devalued, and dehumanized for sex or the idea of sex. Part of me read this article in the, "Shame on the rest of the world for being so evil" point of view, but at the end, I thought to myself, "Shame on all of us."

The things we tolerate as women, and even propagate, in terms of patriarchy, are unreal. There are people out there who still don't believe in marital rape. There are daily infringements on our reproductive freedoms (women = baby machines), constant images of women as sex objects in advertisements from everything from perfume to beer to movies to fast food meals. My favorite manifestation of late, and my favorite topic of conversation around this daily humiliation, is the Heineken ads with the robotic woman-keg. Basically, this is advertised as the perfect woman: big breasts, big hips, without a personality or free will, and she pumps alcohol. Wow, great. The way this and arguably every society around the world treats women is despicable, and it leads to a culture in which human sex trafficking is allowed to continue. If women were respected everywhere, it would not be able to happen.

All or most of the women in the article wound up in Dubai as sex slaves. This would make perfect sense if Dubai were some hole-in-the-wall place out of the sights of the world (like if no one had ever heard of it), but it's not. It's one of the wealthiest, if not the wealthiest, cities in the wealthiest country in the world. Tons of US and other international corporations have huge stakes in Dubai, and many US universities are considering setting up international campuses there. This is a place where rich people go to play and free enterprise reigns, so it is no wonder that those same rich people pay a ton of money for sex with abused, illegal prostitutes. It is also no wonder that in a country where oppression of women is the norm, victims of trafficking are arrested instead of aided.

I think this all really gets back to not only our devaluation of women, but our complete and utter dependency on oil. This, of course, brings me to traffic.

There are too many people in New York. I cannot wait to leave this place. I took a long bike ride on Saturday, which would have been fine, but I rarely had an opportunity to glide uninterrupted through the streets because there was always some car not paying attention about ready to kill anyone with slower reaction times on a bike. It's a jungle out there, and they're all driving huge cars. You'd think with gas prices these people would stay home, but one should never underestimate the American impulse to get out and burn fossil fuels. It's amazing.

To conclude: stop human trafficking - ride your bikes.

Gay Marriage and Abortion, All in One Day

The California Supreme Court yesterday overturned an injunction placed on gay marriages in San Francisco, ruling that bans on gay marriages are unconstitutional and discriminate against homosexuals. My girlfriend called me as soon as she heard about the ruling to make sure I heard and to tell me she loved me. "Isn't it great we're moving to California?" she said. Yes, it is great. Perfect timing. Of course, many friends e-mailed me, asking if they heard wedding bells for the two of us, but really what this means it that we can take things as quickly or as slowly as straight couples. The point is, we will have all of the options everyone else has, and that's awesome. This came in the afternoon of an already good day, and after that, it kept getting better.

I walked over to Grand Central to catch the train to the New York Academy of Sciences for an awards ceremony honoring abortion providers. The main award went to Dr. Mildred Hanson, a woman from Minneapolis, MN who has been providing abortions for 50 years. Before Roe v. Wade made abortion legal, Dr. Hanson practiced within the hospital system, working to get women safe, legal abortions. Before Roe, if you could prove you were crazy and a danger to yourself or others, you were allowed to get a legal abortion. Dr. Hanson was on her hospital's abortion committee, and she saw many desperate women in the days before legal abortion. In the documentary I promote as part of PRCH, Voices of Choice, Dr. Hanson tells a moving story of a young woman who called her in the middle of the night, desperately in need of an abortion. Dr. Hanson told her what to do to get one, but she later found out that the girl had killed herself. "To this day, I feel responsible for her death," she explains in the film.

At the awards ceremony, she told another incredibly moving story about a woman in Minnesota who died of sepsis as a result of an illegal abortion. The mortician came to drain the body of blood and placed the body over the heating grates, deeming that the best space to do so. The woman's children were upstairs, and when they looked down, they saw their dead mother being drained of blood. Horrific, and a gruesome reminder of the importance of protecting women's health and lives by keeping abortion safe and legal.

Despite these grim scenes and stories, the night was incredibly gratifying. I've never been more proud to work for a pro-choice organization, or of being pro-choice. These abortion providers were amazing. Dr. Susan Wicklund, the author of This Common Secret: My Journey as an Abortion Doctor, gave the keynote address, and she was moving and inspiring, as were all of the guests. Among them were Dr. Curtis Boyd, the doctor whose clinic was burned to the ground in New Mexico in December. He received special recognition for his battles and efforts while Dr. Hanson received the William K. Rashbaum Abortion Provider Award for dedication to women's health, the main award of the night. In the audience was Dr. George Tiller, the abortion provider in Kansas who has been embroiled in a legal witch hunt by anti-choice activists for over a year as he provides abortions up until the third trimester. He won the award last year, and he gave a moving address introducing Dr. Hanson as his mentor and constant reminder of the importance of this fight and this facet of healthcare. Also in the audience was Rev. Howard Moody, founder of the Clergy Consultation Service. The CCS was a network of clergy that investigated doctors to make sure they provided safe abortions and made referrals to women in need of abortions before Roe. He has been dubbed the "Harriet Tubman" of abortion. In addition to these big names a room full of other abortion providers and women's health advocates, heroes in their own rights. It was an amazing atmosphere of solidarity and celebration for those who provide the most stigmatized medical practice in human history.

I think my favorite part of the night was when Dr. Wicklund read excerpts from the PRCH website (the Why I Provide brochure) from members talking about their views of being abortion providers and experiences with patients. One doctor wrote that it was the only field where you fundamentally change women's lives for the better, heal them mentally and physically, and that abortion patients are the only ones who send thank-you letters. Another talked about how gratifying it was to care for women and help them through the most difficult chapters in their lives, giving them a new lease on life and a rebirth. Women's health providers and those who provide abortions love caring for women and their families. Dr. Hanson mentioned that abortion is a normal part of a woman's life, and that giving these women safe care means ensuring her children have a mother, ensuring her parents have a daughter. These doctors watched women die from the consequences of illegal abortion; they know that what they do makes for better families and a better society, and they know it is a public health necessity.

I was so moved by all of those speeches, and I'm still crying about them, but I couldn't help but think about the people out there whose sole purpose is wiping these people off of the map. It was a woman who shot George Tiller and nearly killed him, and abortion providers face dangers every day of their lives. Their families are threatened, their clinics are burned, all because they give women options to control their lives, have children when they can, and give some the compassion and care that they deserve during incredibly traumatic experiences. If you love women, you must believe in a woman's right to full healthcare, including abortion. During the times of illegal abortion, which millions of women around the world still live today, families lost their mothers, sisters, aunts, wives, and daughters. We cannot go back to those times here in the United States.

This event, in addition to the gay marriage decision, made me think about our politicians. Many of the articles after the California ruling centered around how it would reignite the political debate about gay marriage, which could hurt the Democrats. None of the presidential candidates, Democrat or Republican, support gay marriage, though Obama and Clinton support civil unions. All of these politicians will not stand up for equality but avoid these issues like the plague. That goes for abortion, too. They have never heard the stories I heard last night and throughout my tenure at PRCH from abortion doctors who put their lives on the line for women's health and rights, or if they have, they hide them in veils of secrecy.

Some day, I want a politician who stands up and talks about the importance of abortion, instead of just saying they're pro-choice. Some day, I want a president who works to end discrimination in the public square and supports the rights of all people to love and express that love just like anyone else. I want to live in a society where frank and honest discussion of freedom goes beyond debates over gun rights or the rights of bigots to say the "n" word.

That society has yet to be born, but I hope I'm in the delivery room when it is.