Acceptance and Rebellion

A Profound Lack of Leadership

2011-08-01T22:25:00.001-07:00

Hello friends. Sorry it has been so long.

I just finished watching American Experience on KQED. You may recall from previous posts that I am a big fan of public media, though I watch PBS infrequently. Much more of a public radio person.

But tonight's episode is the final one of "A House Divided," about Lincoln's final 6 months of life. The passage of the 13th Amendment. The end of the Civil War. And then, merely four days later, assassination. Horrible. I cried, which should come as no great shock to those who know me.

Lincoln was a great president. One of character, deep abiding principle, and tenacity. He fought for what he believed in. He managed incredible division across the country during our most trying time. And he fundamentally changed our country for the better.

President Obama is a big fan of Lincoln, and I would love to say that his legacy will be viewed in future years as similarly transformative. Since those are huge shoes to fill, I would have settled for a progressive legacy at least. But based on what happened over the past few weeks, I just cannot see myself in years hence looking back on his presidency with anything but disappointment and dismay.

Of course, I'm thinking now about today's debt ceiling vote and the travesty I feel that it is. Spending cuts to hurt many if not most, tax increases for none, not even for those who can afford it. So much for sharing the pain and the social compact. I'm told they spared food stamps from the chopping block. I suppose I should be thankful for that, though that is setting the bar really, really low. And God only knows what else will be cut in the coming months.

Maybe this can still be salvaged from the depths before it's all over, but I have my doubts, because I feel that our politicians, particularly the Democrats, lack those qualities attributed to Lincoln. Principle. Responsibility. Courage. The only people who stood up for anything, misguided and wrong that they are, were those super conservative "Tea Party" Republicans. They have successfully led their constituents down the primrose path towards what I (along with Paul Krugman, someone far more qualified) fear will be further economic disaster, and at the end, middle class America will be sacrificed on the altar of big business.

Throughout all this, Democrats stood for very little. They were the party of "No, please, no..." and never made a case for themselves and their viewpoint. They rolled over. President Obama asked us to tweet our disapproval to Congress. How's that for leadership?

So tonight, I am left feeling that people I thought cared about what I care about are pathetic and spineless and are undeserving of my political devotion. They didn't try hard enough to convince people that they were right. And so, we will have to deal with the consequences of truly misguided policy that will result in a wider gap between rich and poor for years and years to come.

America's house is divided. But unlike in 1865, we do not have a President who will stand up and do what is right. It is a sad, sad day, not only for progressives, but for everyone.

Remember Your Source

2011-01-12T10:22:00.000-08:00

I have to admit. In 2010, I was an angry voter. I still am angry, but more than angry, I'm disappointed. I'm disappointed in the members of the party to which I belong that don't have the guts to stand up for themselves, much less for those who are most vulnerable and need their help. I'm disappointed in the useless, mindless banter that brings no clarity to the real issues. And finally, I'm disappointed in the violent - yes, violent - political rhetoric that demonizes the other side and constantly challenges the patriotism of the opposition, serving to anger and provoke, not challenge and engage.

Those three of you know that I work for public media because I feel it is the only source of information that doesn't make me want to turn off and tune out. I listen exclusively to NPR not because it affirms my worldview, contrary to popular perception, but because it makes me think, it helps me learn, and it doesn't resort to name-calling or hate-mongering. It's just better.

But back to my disappointment.

There's a lot of chatter today about Sarah Palin's aggressive denunciation not of the shooter in Arizona and the hateful politics of which many people have accused her in its aftermath, but of those who have placed blame on her for her mean-spirited politicking. "Don't look to me. Each person is responsible for his or her actions alone - no one made him do it."

What's interesting about her video is that at no point in those seven minutes does she take a moment to reflect on the fact that tons of people are blaming her and her "movement" for an atmosphere that leads to violence. She's accurate in saying that politics is always dirty. But instead of using her position as a person of authority with a strong and loyal following to change some attitudes about how we interact with each other, about political discourse and what it could be, she does nothing more than cement the viewpoint of her base in a selfish, stubborn way. Instead of taking responsibility for moving the country in a better, more united, more enlightened direction, she takes none and plans to change nothing.

Did I expect something more? Maybe. Because deep down underneath all the cynicism I now possess, I harbor a hope that things could get better someday, that it won't always be like this, because the majority of people really are looking for more from their leaders than the mindless dribble they regularly give us.

Sadly, with each passing day, my hope and faith in America and Americans dwindles. Congress is trying once again to strip government funding from NPR, PBS, and other public media. They seem to think the right thing to do is to silence the one reliable source of thoughtful, engaging information, apparently not seeing that public media is the one place an American can go to escape the hate.

I'll just close with saying this. I too have been looking for answers in light of the Arizona shootings. I have been looking for guidance and trying to understand how to prevent things like this from happening in the future. What I have found is a lot of intelligent debate and discussion, along with lots of finger-pointing. Perhaps we can all take a minute to think about what we can learn from this. Just remember to check your sources. Some help you learn and will make you better- others won't.

Career Paths

2010-12-29T22:20:00.000-08:00

It occurs to me that career paths exist much in the same way that that tubing path I missed yesterday exist. Sometimes, you veer off of them just when you think it's going in the right direction.

I know that fundraising is important in the non-profit world, and I think I could be a good one. But as I watched my favorite movie, How to Train Your Dragon, produced with the help of my friend, it occurred to me that I want to do something that leaves a lasting legacy. I want to do something that people remember. Currently, I'm feeling like what I do doesn't matter, and the only people who are leaving a legacy are those who give, not those who help get those gifts.

So what am I doing, exactly? What do I want to do? And how can I make money at it?

I welcome your comments and suggestions.

Tubing

2010-12-28T14:55:00.001-08:00

Hilarious. Enjoy.

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Snow!

2010-12-26T13:38:00.001-08:00

Hooray! Snow! So good to be home!

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A New Day!

2010-12-03T23:16:00.000-08:00

It's December, folks. That means a few things.

First, it's cold. Even here in Sunny California, it is cold, and wet, and generally miserable.

Second, everyone, including myself, is stressed. I have bought a series of gifts for those in my family, those with whom I keep company, and soon must buy a gift for a coworker that I really like.

Now, I love buying gifts, truly I do. I love the look on a child's - or adult's, because let's be honest, adults get pretty excited, too - face when he or she rips open that present on Christmas Day and it's everything he or she wanted in a gift. I've never been the hero before, and this year, that's changing. Still, worrying about money is stressful.

Which makes vacation planning even more stressful. It's a long ways away, it's a lot - a LOT - of money to consider spending, and it's in a place that I'm completely unfamiliar with, as is the case with many vacations. BUT there is a HUUUGE upside - which is spending 4 days with great friends and my better half in ski paradise.

Apparently, all the best things in life require a struggle. The thing is, you come out on the other side better. Happier. Stronger. Or, in my case, poorer. But it's only money.

Just watched Dan in Real Life, which is my favorite movie of the last 10 years. Before that, for some perspective, my favorite movie was Ever After, recorded off of HBO by my sister for me so many years ago. I think I've officially moved on, however, to Dan in Real Life. A honest, feel-good story about love and its complications with Steve Carell, a genius in so many ways. It makes me laugh out loud, it makes me cry, it makes me wax philosophical. But I'll spare you.

Before watching that movie, it is worth noting that I washed dishes, nearly all of them. Instead of eating dinner, I danced in my living room. Nothing is quite as satisfying of a release as dancing alone, no one watching, judging, or mocking you, for a little exercise. I even recorded myself for a friend who had had a tough night in hopes of getting a laugh. Mission: accomplished. Making an arse of yourself to Justin Bieber will do that. But it's all fun and honestly, who wouldn't enjoy doing that?

Ok, so this wasn't a meaningful post. But hello blog, I've missed you. I'm going to make an honest attempt to keep you somewhat up to date. You are the only place where I can write from the heart and not worry about who I'm channeling. I'm never off the mark when it's only me.

Equality for Women and Girls

2010-06-02T14:28:00.000-07:00

I found this on a website some time ago and have been meaning to post it for some time. It's a talk from 2009 about how to build coalitions and accelerate women's equality around the world.

Boo, I Suck

2010-05-16T23:58:00.000-07:00

I've been lying in bed trying to get to sleep, but I have one thought running through my head.

I missed a key - and EASY - penalty kick today. It has severely shaken my belief in myself and my abilities as a soccer player.

Pathetic? Not nearly as pathetic as the shot was. It's like I psyched myself out. Twice! Once in taking a slow, crappy shot almost directly down the middle, and then again when I thought I wasn't allowed to touch the ball a second time on the rebound, so I stopped running for the ball. Apparently, the rule is that it is a live ball once the keeper touches it.

You know, I have taken penalty shots before in my career. And I have made probably 70% of them. We really could have used this goal today. It was demoralizing. And I'm annoyed.

Anyway, those are my thoughts. I'm hoping I'll get over it eventually. Mainly so I can get some sleep and go to work tomorrow bright-eyed and bushy tailed. At least bright-eyed.

My newest niece Mia

2010-04-04T13:53:00.000-07:00

I had a wonderful time visiting the East coast - once I got over being really sick with pink eye and a sinus infection. It took me a few days to get to visiting and it was too short of a trip as a consequence, but it was wonderful seeing everyone I came to see and having a good time with the family.

I finally met my new niece, Mia Rachel. She is very cute and I took a quick video. Check it out.

Aloo Gobi

2010-03-02T20:15:00.000-08:00

The gf is making it. I'm still recovering from being sick, so I'm useless except for washing dishes, which is what I've been doing for two days. I think tomorrow night I will cook something - perhaps omelets? I watched Julia Child do it on PBS yesterday and I'm sure I can do it. It turns out I've been doing it wrong for some time now. I didn't get the pan hot enough and wasn't using enough butter. Now that Julia has corrected my technique, my special dinner will be better.

Ok that's all I have energy for today. New resolution: write on my blog more.

A Good Night - Really!

2009-12-09T22:42:00.000-08:00

I'm dancing in my living room/kitchen. Really, the kitchen is so small I must dance in the living room or risk serious injury.

"Now if she does it like this, will you do it like that
Now if she touches like this, will you touch her right back
Now if she moves like this, will you move it like that (come on)
Shake shake, shake shake uh shake it!"

Life is good. I'm not sure why precisely, though I have some ideas, and overall I have a very strong feeling that things are going to start going our way. Maybe a job in San Francisco for me? Signs are promising, as long as I keep my crap together, beginning with getting my head around managing stuff. I need to act like a 35-year-old. I think can manage that. The gf is quitting her crappy job, so she'll be happier, which will in turn make me happier. This is one of the main components of a relationship, I've learned: commiseration. That's what makes a friend more than a friend. If your pain affects the other person, or your joy, and vice versa, then it's something more.

I'm also getting into better shape, losing a little weight, cooking more, feeling more confident in the kitchen, and experimenting with some stuff. I just made whipped cream in anticipation of a cheesecake at the end of the week for a potluck to which we were invited. Ok, whipped cream is not a big deal. But a cheesecake? A pumpkin cheesecake nonetheless, like the one my sister made for Thanksgiving.

Cheesecake for Thanksgiving, you ask? Yes, my family does this thing where since I'm the only one that likes pure pumpkin pie, we do a variation of pumpkin pie each year to try to get others to enjoy it (is it obvious that I am the most tolerant and open-minded person in the family?). Thus, I haven't had real pumpkin pie on Thanksgiving with my family in probably about 5 years. I respect the attempts to popularize what, in America, is already a pretty popular dish, but sometimes, I just want creamy, filling, orange squash pie. In any case, this cheesecake blew me out of the house. It was absolutely amazing, so I will attempt it myself tomorrow night. Wish me luck!

Another thing that is making me happy is a bit of a crush. I have absolutely no right to have a crush on this woman, but she's cute and funny, so that makes me excited and flirty. Flirting is fun, people - and I highly recommend it.

I also want to confess a dream I've had for some time now - I really, really, really want to do karaoke at work. Mostly because I think I'm amazing at karaoke, as anyone from college can confirm - not that I'm good, I mean, but that I think I'm good. Modesty has never been a strong point of mine, particularly when it comes to music/singing. And I want to impress my co-workers, admittedly some more than others, with my incredible singing and dancing. Ha.

Speaking of music, if and when I move to San Francisco in the coming weeks/months, I will attempt to join the Bay Area Rainbow Symphony. It's a symphony made up primarily of gay men, an amateur one, and a friend of mine from back in the day - dirty Jersey (eww I can't believe I just said that) - is in it. He's convinced me that I should do it, not like I needed much prodding. I miss orchestra playing, and I'd be psyched to get into a chamber group from that group as well. The possibilities are endless!

Finally, I've decided I'm going to try to write a novel. That's going to be my ticket to fame and fortune - or at least a feeling of satisfaction that I might be able to ride until it runs out of batteries - or skate on until I lose momentum (just practicing my metaphors). Maybe I've been listening too much to This American Life, but some days, I pull into my little parking spot and think, "What happened to me would make a great story. I should write it down." And then I promptly forget it. So I've decided that each day, I'm going to come home and write for 30 minutes about my day. We'll see how that goes. I think it's called a journal - remember those? Before blogs, Facebook status updates, and Twitter, people used to come home and write in real books, on paper, with pens. I used to have a journal in college. It fell by the wayside when I got happier with my life. I think I need to pick it up again - it was a valuable hobby for me. It helped my memory, I think... though I can't really remember.

Alright, I've exhausted my topics for tonight. Perhaps I'll write again tomorrow, if I'm done with my cake around the time that the Internet is working again. To quote a great email newsletter, "Be well, do good work, and keep in touch."

PS - Write Christmas cards!

Paul Krugman Rocks My World

2009-11-12T19:31:00.000-08:00

He rocks. I heard him last night at the Flint Center in beautiful Cupertino, CA on the campus of De Anza College. He was witty, funny, and elucidating - or as much as one can be when discussing the economic nuclear holocaust in which we are currently engulfed. It wasn't happy news, people - optimist, perhaps, he is not. Realist, though, he most certainly is- tempered by a heavy dose of intelligent liberalism. And he saw this one coming - read his book.

His talk in a nutshell: we will be out of this recession in 15 years according to the only statistic that truly matters to the general public: unemployment at the same rate before it began in 2007. For us to get from the current 10.2% to the before-the-recession rate of 5%, it will take about 15 years at the current rate of economic growth. Asked whether or not this downturn/depression will contribute in the long-term to economic inequality, he answered that in the short-term, no. But in the long-term, it remains to be seen. I'm guessing yes.

In between those dire predictions, he talked about the bank bailout, which is separate from the stimulus package, executive pay, and other pertinent topics. He mentioned that executive bonuses are detrimental in that they are actually so large that they take away from the capital that these banks so desperately needed, but they wouldn't otherwise be super offensive. From a public relations perspective, though, they are a disaster.

The final conclusion of the night: we need more stimulus, even though it is a political fantasy not grounded in possibility, much less probability. We needed about $1.4 trillion back in January, not the measley $700 billion we got, and so things are more sluggish than they could be. He also recommended some kind of huge job stimulus like the Works Progress Administration or the Civilian Conservation Corps of the 1930s (to which, by the way, we owe our National Parks). Can't say that it would be a bad idea, though that kind of "socialist takeover of our economy" would never happen with this Congress.

Anyway, he rocks. Check out one of his recent columns from the New York Times. Also, kudos to the host of the night, Dick Henning, and founder of the Celebrity Forum Speaker Series, who was hilarious. My favorite joke of the night: "Winston Churchill and Mrs. Nancy Astor used to have frequent heated discussions at the bar. On one occasion, Mr. Churchill said to Mrs. Astor, "Madam you are ugly." To which she responded, "Mr. Churchill, you are drunk." Mr. Churchill retorted: "Yes, but tomorrow, I'll be sober!" It's a good one. That Winston Churchill...

Toodles, my wonderful followers and infrequent readers! Hope you enjoyed your time spent here- I know I did.

Crissy Field Adventure

2009-10-30T11:39:00.000-07:00

View Crissy Field w/ Erin and Terrel in a larger map

I Want to Be Important

2009-10-14T11:12:00.000-07:00

I'm not very important. I don't really do anything very important, no one reads what I write, even at work, and everyone else has important meetings for the sake of meeting other important people. I'm never invited because, well, I'm insufficiently important.

Boo. Being young sucks sometimes.

A Short B***h Session

2009-10-07T22:51:00.000-07:00

I just felt like coming here and expressing some frustration. Things I don't like:

1. Friends who don't get back to me.
2. Coming to grips with the fact that those people are no longer my friends.
3. Dealing with other people's ineptitude.
4. Being hormonal.
5. Feeling emo with no real outlet.
6. Documentaries that use the same phrase over, and over, and over again, e.g. "But this was not enough to protect it. (Insert activist name here) knew that to save the land, it needed to be a National Park." Sorry, Ken Burns- I was not that impressed in retrospect. Still, I will visit the national parks.
7. Republicans whose only policy initiative is to make the Democrats lose. We don't need you to do that- we can do that very well ourselves, thanks.
8. Automatic responses from "Senators" that make it obvious they did not read your email. At least pretend in a more compelling way.
9. People who create separate non-profit organizations instead of combining resources with other existing institutions who could do the job better. Because we really need more NGOs to which I feel compelled to give money.
10. Duplicating work.

I think I will leave it at that. Feel free to back me up on any of these things, reader/s.

I Had a Point to Make Earlier

2009-09-06T17:03:00.000-07:00

I have since forgotten it. So let's move on.

I ordered cable television today. Some months back, the gf and I bought a digital antenna to see if we could get free digital television. Really, I just wanted to get KQED and KTEH so that I could speak intelligently about what was on the stations for which I work. Needless to say, it was a miserable failure. We mounted the Batman-symbol-esque antenna onto every wall in the house, even contemplated suspending it from the ceiling, but ultimately decided it was not worth it. If I wanted television, I was going to have to buy into the monopoly of Comcast. But Danielle, isn't DirecTV cheaper in some areas? Yes. But sadly, we can't mount anything outside of the apartment. Not out the window. Not on the public balcony. Nowhere. So we are codemned to cable. I wouldn't mind if it were the better out of many options, but it seems unfair. But it doesn't bother me enough to not get it, apparently. Anyway it's only $15 a month.

Today is Sunday. In fact, the last Sunday before the NFL season starts. Every Sunday from now on for the next 4 months will involve sport watching. I look forward to it, but I must remind myself to leave the apartment for my indoor soccer games. I don't want to be that girl with the unsightly beer gut. I don't think it would ever get to that point, but one can never be too careful.

Tomorrow, I will be going to the library to write a long email to a friend I have not written to in some time. I told him that I would write him an email before I could resume writing letters as we had previously done because I had things to say that couldn't possibly wait an extra three weeks. Now that it's only a week before the cast comes off, however, I wonder if that is truly the case. Is my life so important as to warrant a long email tomorrow? Unlikely, but I will do it anyway because I'd like to think of myself as a woman of her word.

Ok, I don't think I have anything more to add. Already listened to my favorite podcasts- This American Life, Wait Wait Don't Tell Me, and The Moth. I think that constitutes a day. It's time to go for a run. Cheers!

A Country's Emotions

2009-09-05T10:58:00.000-07:00

This week, I attended a Town Hall Meeting with the lovely Congresswoman Anna Eshoo from California's 14th (CA-14 for those of you following along at home includes Menlo Park, Palo Alto, Mountain View, Sunnyvale, and hugs the coast all the way down to Santa Cruz). For a better map than my description, visit her homepage. I wanted to go and be a part of it all and see what all the media outlets were talking about. Well, sorry to disappoint, but no one brought a gun, there were no fights, and the protesters were sedate. They stood there respectfully, the single-payer 'Raging Grannies' sang a song, the real nut jobs passed out silly flyers, there was a guy who tried to tell me to think like him in order to think for myself, Oraganizing for America people were there trying to get me to volunteer, and there were police maintaining the fire code. I was laughing all the way into the crowded auditorium. People are nuts. Had it been for an issue like school vouchers, no one would have showed up. Two years ago, if we had started having town hall meetings, I would have guessed that no one would have come for a healthcare discussion either. Maybe they wouldn't have. In any case, they are coming out now.

The hall was packed. The auditorium held about 900 people, and there were very few open seats by the time I arrived a few minutes late. Local television crews were inside I later discovered, because apparently it was on the news that night or the next day. The San Jose Mercury News covered it if you would like to read a little more. Originally I had intended to meet up with Planned Parenthood to make our voices heard about the necessity of including women's health options in the public plan, but I did not get a chance to meet with the group. I asked a question, however, and though it didn't make it to her at the meeting, I hope someone will read it and get my point. No surprise, it was about abortion and contraceptive coverage. One of PP's questions made it to her and she answered it, focusing not on contraception or abortion but mammograms and maternity leave. No one gets upset about that.

I sat in the progressive peanut gallery, next to a doctor, a couple who lamented the loss of the single-payer idea, and an aged hippie to my right who took the time to clap and scream at the crazy conservatives at the opposite end of the hall. My mom asked me if most people there were for or against the public option. I am unsure, but my guess was that most were for it, though those against were indeed very loud.

Rep. Eshoo scored a lot of points for her liberal base, talking about how she had voted against the Iraq War, the costs of which dwarf what we will spend yearly on healthcare reform, speaking kindly about Medicare as a public healthcare option (that most in the audience already had), and generally towing the party line while probably not convincing anyone who came in there disagreeing with her already.

Overall, my conclusion is that minds are not changing. Either public healthcare is a socialist takeover or a long-awaited human right, with most people falling somewhere inbetween. My other thought is that people are afraid of the unknown, which includes both a new government program and a black president. Much of this has to do with race anc ethnicity. The other part has to do with class.

The vehemence with which people are holding onto their deepest fears and prejudices is alarming to me. This country seems to be getting way out of control. I think the healthcare debate is at a boiling point and has been for a month or so, but other things are happening around the country too. People are angry, scared, and stressed.

A few coworkers recently expressed to me their displeasure with management, convinced that no one cared about them and their bosses were only out for themselves. Voices were raised. Unions were discussed. At a recent live television event KTEH had called "Facing the Mortgage Crisis," I received emails from people watching at home who were upset and angry about the economy and were desperate for help. I recently saw a clip of the football player from Oregon punch that kid from Boise State and then erupt to the point at which the police had to escort him off the field.

He's been suspended for the entire year, by the way.

I've noticed that I've been angrier lately, too, and more likely to fly off the handle. Breaking my hand was a consequence of that. I'm scared of the future, of my gf not being able to find a job, of not being able to afford a house, of going into debt, and I feel a stronger sense of personal insult. I have been feeling more stress, and I'm getting a little worried.

My concerns are minor compared to what most people in America are feeling, and people are scared and angry, not knowing to whom they should direct their anger and frustration. For one thing, we no longer live in an accountable society. Maybe we never did. But now, we spend our time obfuscating the guilty culprits, generalizing about Wall Street instead of individuals, so that everything seems systemic and therefore unable to fix or blame. Is this really the case, or are there some individuals whom we can hold accountable?

But maybe now is not the time for that. With the national temperature as high as it is, it may not be a good idea to point fingers. Perhaps what we really need is healing. I guess that's where healthcare comes in.

Wow- Thank Goodness for the Internet

2009-08-02T13:17:00.000-07:00

That and children's television. I hope KTEH picks this up for their daily lineup.

More Sexism

2009-07-14T14:44:00.001-07:00

I've already listened too much to these Senate confirmation hearings for Judge Sonia Sotomayor. I'm super annoyed at the sexism in these hearings. No man would ever be accused of having a temperament problem. Where do these guys get off? He's badgering and condescending- does he think it's southern charm?

From the New York Times: “Do you have a temperament problem?” he asked. No, she replied. But he pressed on, saying the comments about her were “tough stuff” and having been raised at this hearing, should offer her an opportunity for “self-reflection.”

What a jerk.

Carole Joffe: The Legacy of George Tiller

2009-06-05T13:04:00.001-07:00

Carole Joffe: The Legacy of George Tiller

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Outrage and Sadness

2009-05-31T20:11:00.004-07:00

I am very upset and angry about abortion provider Dr. George Tiller's assassination. He was a hero for women's reproductive rights and health, a hero to abortion providers across the country, and a warm and caring soul. The hypocrisy of his being gunned down by an anti-choice nut job is just overwhelming. I don't even know what to say beyond that other than I have the utmost respect and gratitude for doctors who provide this vital service to women across the country and the world. There are fewer and fewer of them, and their targeting is abominable.

I hope to attend vigils in the Bay area should they materialize. If you want to send a note to his family expressing your support and condolences, visit the Feminist Majority Foundation action alert page.

Work... Life?

2009-05-02T15:39:00.000-07:00

When I was about to graduate high school, I had this depressing epiphany. Everything I do in high school, I realized, was done in pursuit of a great college experience at a great college. Then, I concluded, everything one does in college (at least academically) is in pursuit of a great job or great graduate school. But that's when it ended, right? Wrong.

I've entered the working world, the professional world, full speed ahead. My boss encouraged me to join the professional organization of fundraisers called AFP (the Association of Fundraising Profesionals). Not only have I joined, but I have joined a committee (the collegiate chapter - sounded like a good idea because I am so recently collegiate, and it feels more like a college club than it has any right to be) AND joined the mentorship program. I'm a little overwhelmed. Mostly because since I joined AFP, work has been insane. But the larger problem than stress is this: all of the professional advancement I am undergoing is causing me to think about it ALL THE TIME. As an example, while running today (yes, sometimes I exercise), I ran by a garage sale - and thought to myself, "I wonder what they do, I should go and take some business cards." Truly desperate, I am not. Truly INSANE, I am.

So I have decided to begin a new full-time career on the weekends of chilling out. Also, no more AFP extracurriculars for awhile. We all have our limits. This is my new one. And I will begin being more lazy right after sending an email to the guy at the Dartmouth alumni mixer I attended on Thursday... AHHHHH!!!

My brother would be so proud. That alone is enough to make me question my actions.

...And I'm Back!

2009-02-26T20:00:00.000-08:00

There's internet working, so I figured I'd take advantage and update the blog during non-working hours.

I will admit it - I have a crush on Obama. He is getting more and more liberal, at least in my head - and his ideas outlined in his budget are top rate from that perspective. He's taking on healthcare reform, education reform, and ending our dependence on foreign sources of energy. He is the best. But here is why I think so - I had an epiphany today.

It's contrast. For eight years, we had Bush. We had defense spending, largely in the form of an unjust war, a widening of the gap between rich and poor via tax cuts that put nothing in the pockets of most, lots in the pockets of the few and the wealthy, and no progress on anything. We saw our rights disappearing before our very eyes. We had an increase of security at the airports. I saw guns - and not just any guns, machine guns- at JFK Airport. We had fear. Now, we have something different.

People are excited. Maybe it's too much excitement and some time in the near future we'll go back to ignoring the politics as it turns usual, but it feels like someone's turning the page and putting that chapter behind us. Appropriately enough, the person who is doing that is a reader - Barack Obama. He's so different. He's more pragmatic than I think I'll end up liking, but so far, his priorities are in line, and I LOVE the way he speaks. He is awesome- and he is oh so much better than what we are used to hearing.

Fareed Zakaria: "In Washington, when you want to increase government spending, it is called "investment," not "expenditure." Wasteful spending is spending - good spending is investment in the future." Touche.

One other thing on my mind is this: this lawsuit against the creator of the Obama "Hope" poster. He changed it into art instead of an AP photograph - so it's his now. I don't get how that couldn't possibly fall under fair use. He changed the colors, even changed the angle of the head - and transformed its purpose. If every street artist has to pay $5,000 to use that photograph (and believe me, I'm sure that is what it would be worth just to purchase the original copyright- because I know how much it costs to use the NY Times logo), that would put the kibosh on street art. We can't afford that. I'm worried the Supreme Court isn't on our side, the side of poor but creative. We'll see.

Alright, I'm done for tonight. Peace out.

Working Already? And DOING GOOD??

2009-01-23T20:36:00.001-08:00

This guy rocks. He's been in office for three days, and already, he's signed an order to close Guantanamo, cleaned up ethics, and the best one right now, REPEALING THE GLOBAL GAG RULE!! How awesome is that?

He's making good decisions so far and moving quickly to do stuff - I'm impressed almost as much as I was emotional when he was inaugurated. Seriously, so proud, so happy, so... hopeful.

A New Year, A New Post

2009-01-08T17:06:00.001-08:00

Well, I have been more than derelict in my blogging lately. We have this problem in our apartment... the internet cannot find us there. It is very sad indeed. Thus, here I am, sitting at work after hours and writing a blog post.

Anyway, Happy New Year to the reader - I'm channeling Car Talk's hosts, Click and Clack because I noticed I only have one follower of my blog. California January weather officially wins. I haven't put on more than a sweatshirt so far this winter, and it's only going to get warmer. Even while we were running to catch the fireworks at midnight on the Embarcadero in San Francisco it was warm! Perhaps it was just me running that made it warm, but it couldn't have been very chilly if I had to peel my clothing off upon the return to my friend's place to sleep that night. This was the best New Year's celebration I had ever had. Yes, there was drinking, but there was also stimulating conversation and discussion. It was not all revelry, but it was fun.

Still searching for a full-time job for the "missus," but all in all, we are happy. My parents are coming to visit the Bay Area for the first time (ever for my mom, in 40-odd years for my dad), so I am trying to come up with interesting travel plans to keep them busy and happy. It won't be too hard because I live in one of the most beautiful places in the country.

Work is good. As can be expected in a workplace full of women, there is never a dull moment, and rarely a moment goes by without some degree of drama. Today was almost entirely drama-free, however, so hooray for small miracles. I sat upstairs, all by my lonesome, while employees with whom I have little contact scurried around the building unseen and largely unheard, and I worked my bum off. Now I am satisfied, no longer stressed, and barely ahead of the curve. Every day is a struggle for me to take things slower and do them better, but this is my cross to bear and I am glad to be employed.

What else can I say? Saw The Last King of Scotland on Tuesday and had nightmares about it. Yesterday, I watched the gf cry during Charlie Wilson's War. We had both had wine and were upset about the state of the world and the universality of hate. Why, truly, can we not all get along? Tomorrow, The Savages arrives, and I will have to watch that by myself, for the gf is not yet at the point where she can be at peace with a movie about nursing homes. This past weekend, we received Don't Mess with the Zohan, which I encourage you all to see. It is an entertaining, if not somewhat crude, take on the Israeli-Palestinian conflict. And it's very funny. Perhaps now is not the best time to watch it - or maybe it's just the right time, I'm not sure. I'll let you be the judge. All in all, to sum up: Netflix is awesome.

Finally, here is a photo (from the NY Times) for your thoughts. Think - I dare you.

It's Never Too Late... Or Is It?

2008-12-03T12:01:00.000-08:00

I hope you all read this blog post. Mostly because I don't think anyone is, but especially for this post.

I found this positively HILARIOUS video mini-musical about gay marriage created by tons of Hollywood actors and very clever directors. It is amazing... but I wish they had done it like 4 weeks ago. Then we could have all moved on with our lives. It stars Jack Black as Jesus, Neil Patrick Harris as himself, and hippies doing battle with religious zealots in the form of actors and actresses from Saturday Night Live, the West Wing, and of course, Dewey Cox. I hope you all enjoy it!

See more Jack Black videos at Funny or Die

Studs Terkel and This American Life

2008-11-23T19:34:00.000-08:00

I am listening to a This American Life episode with Studs Terkel interviews. He was adept in getting great stories from people. This particular episode is dealing with the Great Depression, his most famous topic. The production was "A Gathering of Survivorsr: Voices of the Great American Depression."

One of the last women he interviewed was talking about how she found out President Roosevelt had 80 cufflinks; some ruby, some emerald, some diamond. How could one person have so much while so many people are starving, she thought. Amazing. There are so many people like that out there, that feel that way, especially now, and yet socialism is still a bad word. "Sharing the wealth" is such a bad thing.

I think it was the same woman who was later talking about how she came to understand that Black people were the same as White people. She said that after the Great Depression, there was a lot of propaganda dividing Americans. Yeah, you all went through all this terrible poverty, but you're white, so you're better. One of her realizations was of gender. She saw a huge white man slam the door in the face of a grocery clerk, a black woman, as she took his groceries to his car for him. She cursed him off, and it was one step towards this realization that a certain kind of people aren't different or inferior or superior than another kind.

I love This American Life. I cannot help thinking that if more people listened to this show, we would live in a different world. Maybe that's not true. Maybe people could divorce what they hear from what they live. But maybe, just maybe, it would make one person change their behavior towards those less fortunate or in positions where they have no power to change their situations, controlled by a machine much larger than themselves.

Maybe that will be one of the lessons of this "minor" economic downturn. People are losing their homes, their livelihoods, their cars... do you think that they will realize that the important thing to do is to stick together?

From the Annals of "Duh" Science...

2008-11-19T21:31:00.000-08:00

Thank goodness for stories such as this one from NPR's Talk of the Nation Science Friday. "Happy Tunes Make for Healthy Hearts." Apparently, listening to upbeat, "joyful" music releases endorphins and dilates the blood vessels, allowing for better blood flow to the heart, much like exercise. Woah, really?! Happy music makes you happier and therefore healthier?? You just freakin' blew my mind! Who woulda thought?

In other news, this afternoon, I signed this pledge to repeal Prop 8. It won't happen, but it's apparently being decided by the California Supreme Court even as we speak, so something will happen indeed. The post includes a comment from Keith Olbermann that he recited on his show last week that was really quite amazing. I have embeded the video from YouTube. Feel free to check it out. I nearly cried. Had I not been at work, I would have done so.

At Least Someone Can Laugh About It

2008-11-05T11:15:00.000-08:00

Happy, With Caveats

2008-11-05T10:13:00.000-08:00

I'm so psyched for Barack Obama. Really, I am. And I'm very optimistic about the direction of the country with Democratic control of House, Senate, and the Presidency. Plus, the defeat of all of the anti-choice ballot initiatives and bans is icing on the cake of a great night.

I am, however, perturbed by the idea that a rich few can take away the civil rights of so many. This time, it's the rights of gays and lesbians in California. How long will we have to wait to have marriage equality? 10 years? 20? 50? Why do people care? Have gays been running around killing or destroying property after they took their vows? Homosexuality isn't a disease, it's not getting into the water, and it's not destroying the institution of marriage. DIVORCE IS.

My new motto is: "Protect traditional marriage. STOP DIVORCE."

And no, I don't mean no one should get divorced. There are plenty of people who have and should be allowed to do so. It's just crazy that people can be so afraid of something they cannot even see, touch, or hear. "Oh no, not another married gay couple! WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!"

Thus, my happiness for President-Elect Barack Obama is heavily tempered by my disgust with intolerant Americans.

Bother to Vote!

2008-10-26T09:34:00.000-07:00

Apparently, my brother bothered to vote yesterday and he had to wait in line for hours, even though it was early voting. Democracy in action!!!

Anyhoo, things are good here in view of the mountains. The gf may get a job soon, though she also now has a part-time job to get a little extra cash to help pay the bills. Mostly, my bills, because I've been buying everything. We're trying to keep track of spending and doing so by having me spend all of it and keep track. It'll work, I promise.

Thanks to my good friend Jim for the link to this website. The videos are pretty funny, but my favorite was the fake McCain robocalls. Priceless.

The election is only 9 days away! What on earth are we going to do for the next week? I know, watch the Daily Show online FOR-E-VER. Starting now.

Oh, and work is great. I love working for KTEH/KQED and Northern California Public Broadcasting. It rocks. Development too, rocks.

(Sorry about this post, I'm a little distracted by the Daily Show.)

I Have an Apartment, Too!

2008-10-16T10:06:00.000-07:00

First, before I talk about me, I read in the LA Times that a couple in Dubai got drunk and had sex on the beach. They were sentenced for drinking and having -- you guessed it -- pre-marital sex. How long was their sentence? Three months! Thank you, Dubai, for taking this dangerous couple off the streets. Who knows who could be their next victim!

Anyway, back to me - I have an apartment! Moving this week is our current priority, and I'm very excited to have my own space. Also, the gf might be getting a full-time job soon - she has an interview today and one on Monday. Wish her luck!

In other news, I watched the debate last night. I think the Republicans are race-baiting, and Congressman John Lewis was right. If someone comes to your rally and screams that your opponent should be killed, racial slurs, or other horrible things, you should call them out and stop it so that it doesn't happen again. Calling your opponent a terrorist is NOT OK. Letting your supporters call for him to be killed - NOT OK. I agree with Stanley Rich on this one. Republicans are playing up fear, and inevitably, some of that fear is race-based. I guess the McCain campaign is doing so poorly they cannot afford to offend their racist supporters, either.

So now, here's one last photograph with which to close the blog. This one is from the AP. It's what happens when John McCain walks off the wrong part of the stage. Haha, awesome. A picture definitely is worth a thousand words.

I Have a Job! And Other Things You May or May Not Care About

2008-10-09T21:52:00.000-07:00

I have a job! Soon, I will be working for public broadcasting in Northern California. Huzzah! Don't worry, I will be posting the link soon. No, the gf doesn't have a job yet, but it's coming - I can feel it in the wind. And no, we don't have an apartment yet - but we'll be looking starting... now.

I just voted! I voted for... hey, none of your damn business! Hint: it wasn't for John McCain. But anyway, I was happy to see the entire Green party ticket was female. Huzzah! I nearly voted Green, but I've heard that there's a possibility that New Jersey could go red this year, and I can't let that happen. Crap, I just gave away who I voted for!

But, I did vote Republican once. I know, I know, save it, you pinko Commies. Anyway, I voted for the incumbent in the Ocean County Clerk race, mainly because I think it's low that the Democratic challenger suddenly, within the past week, was asking for an investigation into the clerk's use of public funds. That's the only thing I can find about the guy, and it's negative, and that seems like dirty politics to me. Also, I can't find any bad press about this guy Carl Block, so until something bad comes out, I'm OK with keeping him in. Plus, I'm not going to be a citizen of Ocean County for much longer.. he he he...

Oh, and those ballot initiatives? I voted No and Yes respectively. I read the ballot descriptions on the League of Women Voters site, and I used my best judgment. Only time will tell if I'm correct or not.

If only there were as much coverage about local and state races as there is about national ones. Then I'd know how to vote. Of course, being in California doesn't help, either.

Apocalypse Now!

2008-10-01T10:45:00.000-07:00

These people scare the poop out of me. Almost as much as Sarah Palin does.

Cannot wait to see Bill Maher's movie Religulous. Spell check says yes, it is a made-up word, but it is a combination of Religious and Ridiculous. Which, Bill Maher thinks, are the same thing. The link above is a trailer. I suggest you check it out.

Other things that are bothering me this week: Congress. To think that Americans honestly thought bipartisanship would take a back seat to injecting capital into the economy - I know, right? Crazy! No way. Nancy Pelosi gives a speech much like any speech one would hear on the floor of the House of Representatives - passionate, accusatory, but correct - and the bill fails, with House Republicans blaming it on "partisan vitriol." Sure, blame it all on Nancy, not your petty middle school politics. They'd rather blame the woman than themselves, obviously. What's interesting to me about this situation, though, is that now Democrats have become the party of big business, voting mostly to bail out Wall Street. Now, this was not exactly the bill the President and the Secretary of the Treasury were hoping for, but still the basis was the same: give lots of money to banks and investment firms so they could continue to invest and grow the economy. Most Democrats voted for it, but Republicans renegged on their promise to do so, and suddenly the stock market tumbles.

Do you think those Republicans, who rely on large donations from Wall Street, are going to get those donations? Suddenly, even though 90 Dems voted against this bill, the Democrats are seen as the party looking out for the interests of Wall Street.

Don't ask me if it's a good bill or a bad one: I don't know anything about the economy. All I know is that it's tanking, something needs to be done, the people who ran the economy into the ground, including those in the White House as well as those on Wall Street, need to be thrown out of their private jets without a golden parachute and new people need to take the controls.

#1: East Meets West... License Plates

2008-09-12T21:14:00.001-07:00

I've decided I'm going to start writing periodically about my perspective on the West Coast as an East Coaster. It's going to make me millions.

Entry #1: License Plates

This might seem obvious to you Californians reading, or even to you Easterners, but the one weird thing about living in California is the shocking lack of other-state license plates. There's nothing but Californian cars in this state! Now some of you are thinking to yourselves, "Well of course not, Danielle, California is a huge state, so most people visiting from out of town fly." Well aren't you smart! Yes, once in awhile I'll see a Washington or Oregon plate, and today I saw one from Texas, but 99.999% are from this very state. In New Jersey, you are constantly seeing plates from New York, Pennsylvania, Delaware, Connecticut, Massachusetts... all tiny states that nuzzle New Jersey, in a manner of speaking. You could commute from some of those places in less than an hour, and some people do it daily. But, in California, or at least in Los Angeles, the nearest state is about six hours away.

Ok, so that may not be a startling revelation, but it's definitely noticeable. I'm feeling a little... isolated right now.

500 Miles from Our Shores

2008-09-09T08:58:00.000-07:00

There is an unmitigated disaster in Haiti right now, and it's so close to us. It's heartbreaking to see those people, desperate, beating each other up for food and relief water from the UN. It's being struck by yet another hurricane right now, and it's horrible. Why can't we help people that are closer to us than California is to Kansas? I think it's inexcusable, both the poverty before the hurricanes swept away towns and now the devastation after.

The Best A (Wo)Man Can Get

2008-09-05T12:08:00.001-07:00

I just saw a Gillette shampoo commercial, and I noticed something. They say the same things they say in women's shampoo commercials, but they play rock in the background, use blue and black color schemes, and growl out all of their words. If they put lots of pink, light green, and flowers with a woman narrating, talking about vitamins and soft hair, then BOOM: they have a woman's shampoo commercial.

Very original. I guess a shampoo commercial with Ultimate Fighting Championship fighters, axel grease, and sweat wouldn't really drive the grooming point home.

Quality Reading

2008-09-05T09:35:00.000-07:00

A few articles for those of us obsessed about current events. The first one is from an op-ed writer for the Los Angeles Times. He picked up on my blog post about being pro-choice and Sarah Palin's daughter (of course, 8 billion other people are talking about it as well) being able to make her choice while her mom seeks to deny the same one to other women. Good read, though nothing really new. Jon Stewart said it on The Daily Show that its wrong for her make the media "respect [Bristol's] decision" while if she were President, "she would deny that choice to others."

The second article I wanted to mention was a piece from Gloria Steinem (also in the LA Times, but probably in others also) asking how dumb Republicans think women are. Do they really think we're so desperate for a female candidate that we will support a woman who supports no other women? It won't work, she says. I hope she's right.

There's one more that I found at the New York Times. It's by Judith Warner about sexism and Sarah Palin, and though I think some of her points are a little off the mark, most of them are brilliant.

And finally, a column by Thomas Friedman about energy plans and how John McCain isn't even a maverick when it comes to energy. He's in the pocket of big oil just like his running mate, and the only viable green option is Barack Obama.

The Politics of Negativity

2008-09-03T09:36:00.000-07:00

There are a few things I want to blog about today. First, I'd like to talk about the RNC v. the DNC. Their convention speeches may not sound all that dissimilar, but their websites just about say it all. If you log on to the RNC's national page, the only thing you saw, before Hurricane Gustav and the convention, was negative things about Joe Biden and Barack Obama. They have a "time since Biden's last gaffe" counter up there, and something about Barack Obama that I haven't checked out. I'm pretty sure that it is negative, though. Switching over now to the Democratic National Committee's page, it's almost all positive. The one dark spot is literally a dark spot with John McCain's name on a tiny button. I'm sure it's all negative about him as well. But the difference is clear: the Democrats have a much, much more positive page. If you measure positivity, not negativity, the Democrats have it in the bag, even though it is in the middle of the Republican National Convention. It's supposed to be all positive when it's your time to shine, but apparently, there's not too much to get excited about with John McCain and Sarah Palin.

Speaking of which, she speaks tonight. Can't wait to see what she says. She's like my worst nightmare. A woman so conservative she'd work to ensure other women could never break the glass ceiling she has the possibility of breaking, and so anti-choice she opposes abortion even in cases of rape, incest, or endangering the health of the mother. As far as her speech, I'll probably just read about it in the New York or Los Angeles Times tomorrow. I'm done with conventions, and I never can tolerate listening to Republicans. Hey, I never said I was unbiased.

Family Planning is a Gift from God

2008-09-01T21:43:00.000-07:00

I am annoyed. By the way, the picture to the left is from Harvard's website (giving credit where credit is due). But anyway, back to why I am annoyed.

Sarah Palin's daughter is pregnant. Jamie Lynn Spears gets pregnant, and the media jumps all over her. Now, this woman, who is anti-contraception, anti-choice, and is touted as having spectacular "family values," has a 17-year-old daughter who is five months pregnant, and all those Christian conservatives are valuing Ms. Palin for her daughter's choice of continuing with the pregnancy, getting married at 17, and praising the mother for having such a loving, supportive family. This is some kind of victory? Unplanned pregnancy, the triumph of ignorance about family planning and responsible sexuality, is a victory for family values?

How about the value of honesty and teaching your children about how to be responsible, giving them all of the options available to women and girls, and facing the reality of teen sex? Hopefully, this girl had the option of making the choice to continue the pregnancy for herself and isn't deciding to marry this guy because her mother is in politics. If she is, how wonderful that she has the option of doing so with the support of her family. How about all those other women out there who make the same choice because otherwise their families would disown them? How about those who then get trapped into a marriage? Or, how about the women who choose not to continue the pregnancy out of necessity also?

Being pro-choice means enabling women to make those choices. The choice of having sex, but being responsible. The choice of not continuing the pregnancy and not marrying the person who got you pregnant. How about that?

And one more thing before I go. Sarah Palin's governor survey by the Eagle Forum shows that she is against comprehensive sex education, in favor of abstinence-only education. My favorite part, though, about this survey, is this quote (from the LA Times)'"The explicit sex-ed programs will not find my support," Palin responded [to the survey], according to the [survey] site.' This woman doesn't even know what real sex-education includes.

When I attended public school in New Jersey, we had real sex education, which acknowledged the existence of teen sex drive. They told me time and time again, the only sure way NOT to get pregnant, or get an STD, is to NOT have sex. They also taught us about contraception, condoms, and how to be safe should we choose to have sex. That being said, they taught us that we should wait until we are old enough to handle the consequences of sex. And yes, all this from a COMPREHENSIVE SEX ED CURRICULUM. Abstience-only education is not education; it's fantasy. It doesn't teach teens to be responsible about sex if they do feel ready, and sex is a reality of life. We shouldn't be telling our kids incorrect things about choices they will be facing (like that condoms and contraception never work or any of the other lies they include). Instead, we should be honest. Our children deserve that.

Working with Racism

2008-08-31T12:14:00.000-07:00

All this time, I've been checking like three job sites and applying for jobs there. Then, last night, the gf showed me a site on Dartmouth's career services page with about four more places to find non-profit jobs. It was like a lightning bolt - all these jobs, just for me! Thus, I applied to seven jobs today, one last night, and one on Friday. We will see if they come through, but right now, I feel much better about life. I feel like there are more possibilities. San Francisco seems closer already.

This have been hectic here in LA. The weather still hasn't changed, but the circumstances are much better. The crazy grandmother is no longer living in the house, though she still has no MediCal funding to go into the more permanent nursing home. Thus, we cannot move on furniture in the garage (read: giving it away to the thrift store to give to those who need it more), so it is still a disaster in there, but an organized one at least. The furniture in the house is back to the way it was before April, so that is nice. There is a couch, for instance, so we can watch television in comfort, not in bed. We went on a camping trip a few weeks ago with the gf's brother and family, and that was a great deal of fun. Then there was a graduation party, where I got to meet everyone in the family's circle of friends. Otherwise, we've been moving furniture, organizing clothes, moving clothes into real closets, sleeping in a double bed instead of a trundle one, going out, and worrying about money and jobs. I really need a source of income. One job for which I interviewed has still not really gotten back to me, though they did say they were doing second-round interviews and I would hear from them soon. I'm losing hope on that, even though I thought I had a great interview. Alas; I'm moving on.

So, that's life right now. I apologize it has been awhile for that update. In other news...

Yesterday I wanted to get my hair cut. We went to a little salon called Fantastic Sam's here in Culver City, but they were too busy. Since we had a babysitting job in Inglewood to rush to at 3PM, we decided to head over there to seek a salon that wasn't as busy. Thus, we walked into a beauty supply shop so I could get a hair cut.

As I walked in, I could tell I would be the only white person, besides the gf, in the entire store. No matter, I said, I will stay and get my haircut. It occurred to me that they may not have had the experience working with my hair, considering my hair is distinctly different from the African-American variety. However, it is much easier to cut, I'm sure, so no worries. I come in, tell the hair stylist that I'd like a haircut, and she squeezed me in. After some deliberation and miscommunication, she washed my hair and cut it like I wanted.

Of course, I made the mistake of not asking for the price at the beginning, but at the end, she told me the damage was $65. Shocked, I paid for the haircut graciously and even gave her a tip. Walking out of there, I was very upset about the price: LA is expensive, I told myself, and that place wasn't even that nice.

We babysat for three hours, and finally, our friends returned from their movie/work commitments. As we were eating dinner with them, I told them of my experience with the haircut. "They charged you more because you were white," I was told. Hmm. That's probably true. It actually makes me feel better.

Why, one might ask, would it make me feel better to have been taken advantage of based on my race? First, because I can attribute it to the chip on her shoulder. It was racism. It made me feel less like a sucker and more like a victim of a system much greater than myself. Even though it was unkind and only contributes to a racist society and racial distrust, I know that in my position of privilege, it probably made her feel better to a greater degree than it upset me. I will probably make more money than her based solely on my race and socioeconomic status. I have many more advantages in my corner than she has in hers. In the long run, $30 is not that big of a deal. Thus, if me getting ripped off was my part in the giant scheme of things, and if next time she meets a nice white person she doesn't want to rip her off, I will have been ripped off for a good cause.

At least, that's what I'm hoping. Doesn't mean I'll be sending clients her way, though.

Swimming Through August

2008-08-16T22:32:00.000-07:00

It is about halfway through August, a little more, and the report is: still no job, but I had an interview last week that went well, so I'm hoping to hear back from that. It would be a development job, and I'm excited about the prospect of being a professional fundraiser. I think I'd be good at it.

I've been watching Olympic swimming here in California. I watched the opening ceremonies in San Francisco, and then the first five days, and I've been back in LA since Thursday night. I've really enjoyed watching the close races, and I've loved cheering for the US all the way. I'm watching the medal ceremony for Dara Torres - she got silver in this race, the 50m swim. I'm really hoping she pulls out a gold in the relay race she has in like 20 minutes... it's pretty crappy the way the scheduling worked out for her. At 41 years old, she could use all the breaks she can get. Sadly, she didn't get that one.

Anyhoo... I really enjoyed San Francisco. I've been so caught up in life lately that I haven't written in my blog, but I liked the city a lot and it was very much worth the long drive. We took the PCH up the coast, and it was beautiful. I was not in a picture mood until it started getting really spectacular about halfway up, but then after that, I was exhausted and done with driving, so I put the camera away. But, San Francisco did not disappoint. The architecture was awesome, too. I think I know where I'm interested in living, if we can afford it, but it really comes down to which job I have and how much I'll be making, in addition to what the gf will be making. If I get this job that I want, I'll be sitting well - a lot more than my previous job. But, no matter what, I will keep my priorities in line financially and not spend more than I should on housing. That's what is most important. We're debating between a two bedroom and a one bedroom by ourselves. Ideally, I'd like to have the one bedroom, but a two might be cheaper, so we'll have to see. I'm so, so excited to be getting an apartment with her, though, after all this time.

US is in front in the women's medley... now Australia... still Australia... and Australia won it. Scores unofficial. Apparently, Sweden got eliminated because they did a false start. But Australia won, America got the American record, so that's good. Hooray, women. Michael Phelps is up next.

Alright, I'm going to write later. I can't really focus right now.

It's The End of July As We Know It

2008-07-31T19:17:00.001-07:00

July 31, 2008. Still no job, but I'm increasingly optimistic. I do not know precisely why, but things are nice here, so I'm still OK. I'm churning out cover letters and e-mails at a good pace, and I'm confident something will turn up soon. Not sure whether or not it will be in LA or in San Francisco, but things are not getting worse.

Things I'm not really missing: I have been pretty much ignoring the news lately, and though I do miss my NPR, I'm still enjoying the time away from drones discussing Obama's latest haircut and McCain's latest borefest of a speech at the Gun-Owning Bible Thumper Association (GOBTA for short).

However, I have been listening to just a bit too much coverage of the "energy crisis." Suddenly, gas is almost as expensive as a root canal for Hummer owners, so there is an oil crisis. And what do these brilliant civil servants talk about? Drilling for more pollutants in a wildlife refuge. Great idea. One sure way to break our nation's "addiction" to oil is to... get more of it! I think the great irony of this is that in the US, when someone has an addiction to something, rarely do we rehabilitate this person, but we throw him/her in jail to think about how the drugs they bought contributed to terrorism and are illegal. On the other hand, if a human is addicted to oil, we figure out a way to get the expensive fix less expensive and more available. Who cares if we kill a few caribou along the way! Almost as stupid as selling beer at gas stations. Here, take a 24-pack, crack a few open, and drive head-on into an innocent 45-year-old with 2 kids!

Of course, we couldn't dare tap into our massive oil reserves, which we're holding onto in case of some apocalypse. Do we really need all of that? Use it all up, and if we have to run our military vehicles on biodiesel, hydrogen, or natural gas, so be it. Once it's gone, it's gone - no more addiction, no more oil shortage, no more problem. Oil will be like diamonds, and the government will bring down the price of alternative fuel vehicles, pump up the public transportation, and things will actually change. Oh, and the oil companies: no more massive profits. How beautiful the world would be.

The other thing I heard in the news was an oil spill in the Mississippi. Another event that could have been prevented by not using oil. There Will Be Blood was right: oil sucks.

It Never Rains in LA

2008-07-19T10:28:00.000-07:00

It's creepy. Every morning, it's cloudy and cool, and yet it never rains. I woke up this morning and was sure it was raining outside. In fact, I even deluded myself into thinking there were drops of rain on the porch. I worried about it because yesterday, we began the task of repacking my boxes so that when we move, they are packed in a logical way, and so all of my worldly possessions were sitting out on the patio. Had it rained, my stuff would have been soaked, and it would have been a disaster. Fortunately for me, it never rains here.

I've been pondering what that means for a city. I have concluded it somehow cheapens the sunshine. How can one appreciate a beautiful day if it is never ugly? At home in New Jersey, there's interesting things going on on summer nights. Sure, it's hot and humid all day, but at night, it almost always storms and there's great lightning and refreshing coolness. Under the street lights, one marvels at the evaporating moisture steaming off the asphalt after a heavy rain, covering the streets in a London-like fog. It's poetic. Here, nothing like that happens. I think it's sad. Like the celebrities who live here, the weather seems artificial. Bad things are happening all over the world, but here in Los Angeles, nothing's wrong. Weird.

Anyhoo, now that the self-reflection portion of my blog is over, let me present to you the rest of my pictures! These are from Yosemite National Park. After that was my friend's wedding. I'll do those at a later date. Basically, Yosemite is everything a park should be. Lots of trees, waterfalls, and mountains. Perfect.

Pictures

2008-07-11T15:02:00.001-07:00

Here are more pictures from the ltrip. These are from Arches National Park, a beautiful desert park with rock formations carved out by various things... I don't remember. You can look it up if you truly are interested. Anyway, it's in Utah, and it was the only redeeming thing about that hot, dry, and barren state. In case you were interested, I had blood in my nose for the last 6 days of my trip or so. It was very unpleasant. The Pacific Ocean and the Pacific Coast truly is the oasis from the western desert.

If You're Going to Los Angeles, Be Sure to Wear...?

2008-07-10T09:31:00.000-07:00

We have arrived. 3600 miles after we started, we are finally in La La Land. The weather has been bizarre here, cloudy and chilly at times during the day, but it might be just the fact that I'm not used to living by the beach anymore since my parents moved inland, away from the Jersey Shore. I just always expect LA to be hot, clear, and dry.

So, where did I leave off? Ah yes, Tonopah, Nevada. Well, after our free hotel room experience, which was great, because we loved the room in addition to having it be free, we drove the treacherous passage up to Yosemite National Park and arrived in Curry Village. We stayed in a tent cabin, which was way nicer than I had anticipated it being. However, the campsite was loud, with many small, obnoxious children running about. One child was climbing on my bike, but when I asked various parents to put a leash on him, they initially denied the child was theirs, but then conceded. He had also thrown a slushie on the ground by our tent. This normally would not be a problem, but in a national park, there is wildlife. We were so paranoid and cautious about bears that we locked our food away in lockers and threw our trash out in bear-proof trash cans. Thus, I was sure the slushie would attract a bear and convince him to eat us in our little tent cabin. Needless to say, that did not happen, and we lived to tell the tale.

Beyond our little camping village, the scenery was beautiful. There was a great deal of the two main ingredients in a national park: water and trees. I feel that every national park should have water and trees. When we went to Arches National Park, it was beautiful, but it got old quickly because it was hot and we were surrounded by red rocks. I never get tired of water and trees. It could be that green and blue are my two favorite colors, but mostly, it's the contrast of green trees with blue water and a light blue sky that really makes me happy.

In our time at Yosemite, we saw a bear cub, caribou, a moose, and thankfully, not many bugs to detract from my time there. On the main day we were there, July 3, we took a 7-mile hike up to Vernal Falls and Nevada Falls beyond that. It was long and parts were quite challenging, but it was totally worth it at the top of Nevada Falls. Pictures are coming tomorrow or the next day. The weather was spectacular, and the water from the falls kept us cool. When we got to the top of Nevada Falls, I dunked my head in the pristine - and frigid - waters, and it felt amazing. It was the only thing keeping me alive for the long hike down. We went a different way, so it was shorter than I had worried it might be, and much easier than the 4 hours up, but still, we were exhausted and hot by the time we got back to Curry Village. We ate an entire pizza in silence and then did showers after relaxing a little in the cabins. It was great to use our bodies again after 8 days in the car.

After Yosemite, I went straight to the wedding rehearsal in preparation for my best friend from high school's wedding. A and S were married on July 5, and I played during the ceremony with the organist/pianist. It was good to see my friend again, and the organist and I and my better half got along very well. Instead of going to the rehearsal dinner after 5 hours of practice, we went to a taco place to have beer and tacos instead, which was great. Good bonding time for the three of us. The gf sat through our rehearsing and the actual rehearsal, so she knew the whole procedure, and in fact, she got a chance to lead the congregation in song during the bride's favorite hymn, How Beautiful. Thus, my atheist girlfriend led a Lutheran congregation in the singing of a hymn about the beauty of the body of Christ. It was hilarious and amazing.

The wedding itself was a great deal of fun - I'll have pictures of that to come as well. It was fun, everyone was smiling and loving and happy, and no one was drunk and acting like an idiot. Thus, the perfect wedding. (~: It was mostly my friend's college friends (who knew the bride and groom together), with a few of us who had gone to high school with A. The maid of honor was a good friend of mine from high school with whom I had sort of lost touch in the recent years. She and I caught up and spent a decent amount of time together. She met my girlfriend and said she liked her a lot, which was nice to hear. We decided to be better at this communication thing, so we can't fall out of touch again.

After the wedding, we had brunch with the bride's family and the wedding party, which was even more fun than the wedding reception (at least for me - fewer people, more attention paid to me and my wit, haha), and then we drove home to Los Angeles. We were going to take the Pacific Coast Highway (Route 1), but sadly, there are forest fires all along the highway and it is closed by Santa Barbara and Big Sur. Apparently, they are quite out of control, which is sad. Anyway, after a hot, trafficky drive, we got here in one piece.

So, overall, a lovely trip, few fights, we're still together and lovey, no tickets, no flat tires, and all of my stuff is in good shape. No casualties of any sort. So, now the two of us have done the two hardest tests of relationships: extended travel and long distance. What could possibly get in our way now in our future lives together???

Alright, that is all for now. Like I said, pictures to come.

Free Hotel Rooms Rock!

2008-07-01T22:48:00.000-07:00

We are now in Nevada, and there is gambling everywhere. The hotel has a casino in it. At first, we thought the place was just super cheesy, but as it turns out, we gambled for a free stay, and we won! I rolled a three of a kind in the giant dice cage thing, and we didn't have to spend $70 on a hotel. It was cool. Feeling lucky, we played the slot machines and promptly lost $4. Oh well. That's life.

We have a great room, and I'm looking forward to sleeping in tomorrow and heading out to Yosemite tomorrow.

Oh, and I'm completely happy and in love. We had a great day today, even though it was a long one.

Altitude and Attitude

2008-06-30T21:54:00.000-07:00

Today we drove through Rocky Mountain National Park after spending a wonderful night with a friend and her various family and visiting friends in Fort Collins, Colorado. We had a great time, but we did not anticipate it taking 5 hours to drive through grueling and altitudinous Rocky Mountain National Park. Now, don't get me wrong, it's gorgeous, and there are lots of cool animals, great views, and spectacular cliffs, but does it really have to be that high? Both the gf and I got sick or faint-y, so we took it slow, drank lots of water, took pee breaks, and finally made it to the 12,183 ft mark in the park. It was cold up there. On the way down, we saw a bighorn sheep, a moose or two, some caribou, and pretty birds. We also saw lots and lots of trees (but we kept our sights on the forest, ha ha).

Originally, our plan was to make it to Fillmore, Utah, but that fell through when we realized how late it was and that we had over 400 miles to drive and it was not going to happen. We did, however, have a great drive through canyons and over the Colorado River many times. After eating, I came out of my hissy fit and woke up a little. That helped all around.

By the way: do we really need signs denoting the same river each bridge you encounter? Can't you figure out that the massive river you passed 10 miles back is the same massive river? Silly local governments wasting our hard-earned tax monies. (Now I sound like a Republican.)

Ok, a few more pictures, and I'll write more tomorrow or whenever I can. Farewell.

I'm All Over the Place!

2008-06-30T21:40:00.000-07:00

Here's us driving past Mount Rushmore. That's half of Teddy Roosevelt. Not his best picture, I'd say.

Here's me by Washington's profile.

Here's me in the Badlands.

Here, I'm at Pactola Lake in the Black Hills.

And here is some animal's butt in Rocky Mountain National Park.

Badlands and Black Hills

2008-06-28T21:57:00.001-07:00

Today we "hiked" through the Badlands on Castle Trail, which was a glorified walk in truth. I was tired afterwards only because I had previously been sitting for at least 14 hours a day. Then, I slept for the rest of the time. Thus, the toughness. Anyway, it was pretty, and we took pictures, but then we got bored and ignored the rest of the 5-mile trail to go to the Black Hills.

On our way to the Black Hills, we took the driving tour of the rest of the Badlands, called the Badlands Loop. On that, we drove down a super dusty dirt road for 25 miles, covering everything inside and out in a fine, red dirt. The upside though was that we got some great views and we saw bison!! They are HUGE, so that was cool.

After that, the combination of too much sun, too little food, and dirt got the best of us, and my better half and I didn't really have many nice things to say to each other. I was pissier, so it's really my fault - but I really hate being dirty.

Beyond that, we saw some beautiful views of the Black Hills. Sadly, the camera had run out of batteries by early on in the park, so we neglected to get pictures of Mount Rushmore, Custer State Park, or Jewel Cave. However, we will be taking a loop back through the forest tomorrow and I will be putting the camera to work overtime.

We braved the mass of mosquitos to get the camera charger tonight, so now it is charging, and we will have cool pictures to show tomorrow.

Currently, blogger is sucking and will not let me upload pictures to this post, so I'll make more pictures available tomorrow if I can. If not, I'll put everything up on Facebook when I get a chance. Hang in there, peeps!

Welcome to the Badlands

2008-06-27T21:42:00.000-07:00

So quick post before I go to bed, exhausted and having killed about 7,000 mosquitos with the bottom of my flip flop.

Yesterday, we took a tour of Cleveland, which was neat, and we saw the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, the Cleveland Clinic (which is HUGE), and Lake Erie. Of course, before that, we enjoyed watching the open skate at the Cleveland Heights Rec Center. The gf's friend taught a skating lesson there to some girl, which was fun to watch and presumably fun for him to do as well.

After Cleveland, we headed for Chicago, getting there during rush hour. But, we made it, and we had a lovely time with my friend C in Chicago. We had dinner, talked, caught up, and exchanged stories of people from college and what they were doing now.

Since C goes to work at 6:40 in the morning, my better half and I left Chicago then also. We originally were going to head to St. Paul to stay with a friend, but for various reasons, that fell through. It worked out for the better, though, since because of our early start this morning, we made it all the way to the BEAUTIFUL Badlands of South Dakota after a great dinner and wonderful day of driving. We drove through one time zone into the next in 26 hours, so about 900 miles of driving tonight.

The Badlands are amazing. Whomever told me there was nothing to see in South Dakota, mainly my brother, who has never been, was dead wrong. This park is gorgeous, adn after some hiking, we're goingt o check out the Black Hills as well, which I'm sure will be just as beautiful. I also enjoyed the drive through the state tremendously. It's beautiful and vastly different from anything I've ever seen before. Wide open, green, and you can see thunderstorms coming from 50 miles away. Amazing. I'm telling you: go.

Pictures tomorrow, I promise. I can't open my door right now because we'd be invaded by mosquitos. For reals. Ta ta.

Cleveland... Rocks?

2008-06-25T19:13:00.000-07:00

Hey all, and welcome to blog post number one from my trip across the country! I will include pictures when I have more than... three.

We woke up this morning at 7AM, though I was anxious and excited all night and the night before last as well. We finished packing, and then I took a look in the garage and was appalled to find more stuff I had forgotten. After deciding I could say no to approximately eight books from college, I took the West Side Story and Lord of the Rings DVDs out of the heretofore forgotten box and left my parents in tears. Fortunately, I got a chance to see them again because, in normal Danielle fashion, I left my bike in the garage at home. We went back and got it, which was after my parents finished crying, and set off again with the bike securely fashioned to the back of the crap-filled vehicle.

I took a few minutes for a cryfest and headed to my sister's house before departing for Ohio. She had made us pancakes, so we ate breakfast there and chatted about Lance Armstrong and Kate Hudson (who "has more mileage than the New Jersey Turnpike" - I hope she doesn't read my blog), among other things. When it was time to leave, my nephew Christopher decided he was going to throw a hissy, so it broke up the sadness of the moment and it was a not tearful goodbye. That was a break, I must confess.

Anyway, after that, we hit the road - hard, just like I hit all roads - and we set off through Pennsylvania and the land of many state forests to the greater Cleveland area, the land of fortified CVS drugstores. My better half's friend, with whom we are staying tonight, lives near Shaker Village, where the Shakers lived before, you know, they died from not reproducing. Silly religious cult. Anyway, when I got out of the car, I did the obligatory shake, which the Shakers did not do enough of, I can assure you, and then we settled in for a delicious dinner of pasta with pancetta and an egg-cheese mixture in addition to zucchini, red peppers, onions, cheddar cheese, and breadcrumbs. Delicious.

Anyway, I'm wiped after 8 hours of driving, but I have good news before I go: gas IS cheaper when you head away from the New York metropolitan area! Take that, New Yorkers!

Another Belated Blog Post

2008-06-18T18:59:00.000-07:00

My apologies, dear reader, for I have been lax with the posting of the blog. (Somehow that just reminded me of Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story, when the Jewish producers say they like Dewey because of the “shaking of the tookus”… however one spells that in Yiddish.) In any case, I’m sorry.

I’m listening to This American Life, and they’re doing a thing on the Ten Commandments. My favorite quote: “The first thing [Evangelist sex books] always tell you is that sex is a beautiful gift from God, even though it’s a gift they don’t want you to touch or even think about because you’re just going to ruin it with your filthy paws. Any physical pleasure, even pleasure you give yourself, while alone, is completely forbidden.”

Now, if that isn’t a reason to abandon evangelical Christianity, then I don’t know what is. I mean, come on. “Guarding your heart against lust.” I think the idea that there exists love without lust is crazy – unless it means familial love. Lust while one is in love is the best kind there is; depriving yourself of that is dumb.

In other news, I just sat at the Port Authority for over 45 minutes waiting to get on a bus to come back to Jackson. Basically, fewer and fewer people are driving into the city because of gas prices, so more and more people are taking public transportation. Great, unless you’re a commuter, such as I am myself. If you are unfortunate enough to make those frequent trips, it means longer lines and, thus, a longer commute. It sucks. I wish these people didn’t own massive SUVs – then maybe they could afford the gas to go back to their normal lives of spending too much money on parking and too much time sitting in super frustrating traffic.

Ok, happy thoughts. My girlfriend and I have finally figured out our official route to Los Angeles. Since originally her mom’s criticism of the trip was that we were not taking enough time, we’ve been thinking about how we can lengthen it. It doesn’t seem like I’ll get to leave work early – what ever will we do? Well, as it always seems to go, stuff started working in my favor to solve this problem. The wedding invitation said Danielle and Guest, which means the gf was invited. Thus, instead of driving to LA and then having me drive up to Santa Cruz for this wedding by myself, we are going to stop in Santa Cruz on our way out to California, do the wedding, and then go to Los Angeles afterwards. A brilliant plan – I’m dating such a smarty. This way, we’ll be driving through Yosemite, the Badlands… all the lovely natural wonders between here and California.

Ok, that ends the post I wrote last week. Now for this week:

I’m reading a book I should have read in college called Welfare’s End by Gwendolyn Mink, daughter of Patsy Takemoto Mink. She’s a professor at UC Santa Cruz, and she’s making me want to go to history grad school and do contemporary feminism. Anyway, it basically advances the idea that welfare “reform,” which really means the dismantling of welfare, is an attack on poor women of color. Hmm… any ties to reproductive rights? Think they’re going after Jenna Bush’s freedom of choice? Nope. It’s really the poor women of color who will suffer if Roe v. Wade is overturned – not rich white people. Anyway, it’s poor women of color who really need their morals guarded by others – they just can’t take care of themselves! Thank goodness those right-wingers are looking after those who need it the most. Take away their welfare, their access to reproductive health, and make them slaves again.

Now, I’m thinking about ballot initiatives because we talked about it at work, and it occurs to me that the one reason this Colorado fetal personhood amendment will never pass is because it is a direct assault not just on poor women, but rich people. As a staff member pointed out today, granting personhood with constitutional rights to a fetus would basically eliminate in vitro fertilization methods and fertility treatments. It also endangers birth control, which affects all women, not just poor ones. It will fail because it pisses off all women, not just the ones who a) aren’t heard by the media or b) are too busy working their butts off to vote.

God Bless America.

Making a Statement, But Not One of Fashion

2008-06-03T19:59:00.000-07:00

Yesterday evening, as I began my daily sprint for the Port Authority Bus Terminal at the end of a long day at work, I noticed something that had not previously dawned on me.

In New York City, 5PM means the end of daylight, especially in Midtown. The buildings that surround you completely obscure the dwindling sunlight, and even though the sun does not officially set until 8PM or so, it begins to grow gray. Thus, it would be somewhat inappropriate to wear sunglasses outside.

Almost every man on the street will have his sunglasses either in his shirt, tucked away in a case, or on his head just in case a sudden flash of light should render them useful once more before nightfall. Strangely enough, however, nearly 80% of the women defiantly wore their sunglasses.

Perhaps these women are optimists and love summer so much that they feel the need to wear sunglasses even at dusk. Or, maybe they are channeling Sex and the City and are showing their style with their sweet shades. I think, though, that there is yet another reason to risk falling in a pothole due to decreased visibility: security.

The summer months have to be the most trying for a member of the female, or as Simone de Beauvoir once elegantly put it, second, sex. Our clothes are by convention lighter, more transparent, tighter, and overall less covering. Sadly, this seems to mean it is open season for those of the opposite sex to gawk, whistle, or cat call any woman they deem attractive. In the winter, when this occurs, one may cast a disapproving glance in a man's direction or look down to show embarrassment at this complete violation of decency, but generally, one is caught in the awkward position of having to face someone who does it.

That is, until it gets to be springtime and warm enough to justify sporting the glasses. Sunglasses let us off the hook. Now, since it is almost inevitable for some jerk to stare at you or whistle rudely as you walk past, sunglasses create a barrier there that protects object of the gawk from the gawker. One may roll one's eyes without retaliation, or pretend not to hear it, and look sweet in the process. Women are so much more confident with their sunglasses on, especially those that cover nearly the entire face of the wearer. Amazing.

This is the sad state of the world, though. Women must put these barriers between them and the rest of the world in order to feel secure in their own bodies. Even on the subway, if one has the opportunity to justify wearing sunglasses for the entirety of the underground ride (because part of the route is above ground), it is taken with relish. It's the iPod for the eyes, another chance to avoid human interaction, and therefore, objectification.

When it comes to sunglasses, I must admit that I have come a long way from my earlier days of constant wear. When I was in high school, I wore the largest, bug-like sports sunglasses one could imagine. For my tiny head, they were always too massive, and not only did they obscure my eyes from everyone, they even reflected back the image before me. Thus, if someone were to stare into my sporty shades, they would only catch a glimpse of themselves, perfectly distorted like a fat mirror. Since them, I have grown a little more confident and can go with the simple brown matte glasses, unmirrored. Still, sometimes I miss the anonymity of my Oakleys, so I bought all of the various lenses so that I can use them to bike in almost any imaginable light.

Anyway, I guess the statement women make by wearing glasses at night is this: keep off and keep your thoughts to yourself. Not only do we not care, but we are too cool to give you the benefit of seeing that you made us look at you. Defiance is, after all, always in style.

Cooking, Like Life and Keeping a Blog, Is Hard

2008-05-29T09:33:00.000-07:00

I have been terrible, dear readers, with keeping up with the blog as of late. One explanation, though not an excuse, is that I am now commuting back and forth from my place of business in New York to my place of residence in far-away New Jersey. Another is that I have not been contemplating my own existence lately. That ends now.

What have I been up to lately? Well, this past weekend, I evacuated my apartment. I say evacuated because it was quick and poorly organized, though appropriately done, and has resulted in a great deal of cleanup after the fact where all of my stuff currently resides back at home with my parents. After that was Memorial Day, which consisted of me playing with my sister's children ad exausteum (nope, not a word) and then consuming unhealthy amounts of meat. In fact, I would say that was a theme for the weekend. Ethics aside, each helping of processed meat beef was delicious. Normally I do not eat meat, but sadly, not because of a moral inclination on my part, but instead because it was too expensive for me to buy when I was living alone. Now, my parents buy the meat, so I eat whatever they put in front of me. And hey, if hot dogs and hamburgers are not present at a Memorial Day cookout, something's not right.

As a side note, Memorial Day isn't about patriotism, my sister informed me, but about honoring those who died. She's right, of course, but that does not preclude me from shivering at the sight of the American flag, even if it accompanies delicious beef. In spite of that, I had a lovely time.

Then began the week of work and three hours of commuting every day, which is decidedly not fun, not to mention this week and next are the longest in recorded history. You see, readers, after next Sunday, I will be living full-time with my girlfriend of nearly two years. First with my parents, and then with hers, but by then we will begin our lives together - and that is a reason to celebrate. I see the light at the end of the tunnel, but still I must work, which is... hard.

Beyond commuting, which is hard enough, I am getting discouraged by my lack of abilities. The thing I am focusing on currently is cooking. I cannot cook, and I think it's because of my undiagnosed attention deficit disorder. Basically, I start cooking, I get distracted, I try once again to reel myself in and focus, I do something for 5 minutes, and then I am back to not paying any heed of the boiling/steaming/sauteeing mess on the stove for which I am responsible.

I tried to make rice on Tuesday night, figuring I would bring in rice and beans (possibly in honor of Rent) to work. Sadly, I cannot for the life of me get the proportions of water to rice down to make an acceptable pot of rice. It either comes out burned or overcooked and pudding-like. After I failed once again, I had about a pound of terrible rice to deal with and decided to try to make fried rice. The recipe was near the stove, and I decided not to follow it at all and, naturally, I managed to make an eggy, soy-sauce-ey, oily pan of mush unacceptable to any human being. I became enraged and vowed not to cook until I stopped being an idiot.

I thought to myself, maybe I simply needed inspiration. I decided to pick up the nightstand book Aphrodite by Isabel Allende, which is exciting, intoxicating, and totally hot. This, however, made me want to burn calories, not put them together into an interesting dish. Sigh. At least the book is nearly over.

Part of growing up is facing the truth about yourself. One of those truths may be that I am not interested in cooking. I rarely enjoy it when I am alone, because I cook to feed myself, not out of pleasure. If it is mixed with something else, perhaps time with friends or a romantic activity, it's fun, but otherwise, I do not truly possess a love of food. I like good food, but I'm not a foodie.

Another truth is that I have no attention span. Work is hard for me. I wish I could have been born a more gifted athlete so I could be a professional soccer player. I seriously believe that was my calling, and somewhere along the line, I veered off course. Thus, I am forced to discover something else in which I take as much pleasure as soccer.

I'm tired of being asked what I'll be doing after I leave New York. I still am no closer to discovering my path than I was a week ago, so please, stop asking. I'm back to being depressed and pessimistic about my career, so I will be thriving on my personal life while I struggle to reconcile my dreams with reality. At least I still have dreams. And after all, I've managed to see the light at the end of my relationship tunnel. It's only a matter of time before I start to see the end of the next large tunnel in work life, right?

Luckily, or somewhat sadly, depending on how you look at it, at the age of 22, time is really what I have.

Love and Marriage

2008-05-24T11:56:00.000-07:00

After California legalized gay marriage, every conservative has been rushing to get their name at the top of the list of people who hate gays.

The column that takes the cake for me is the one I read today. This woman was a writer from the Ethics and Public Policy center, a Catholic conservative think tank of crap manufactured to tow the party line. The column argued that the problem with gay marriage is that it is a break from the traditional marriage, and the traditional marriage and family is the backbone of our healthy society. Marriage isn’t discriminatory, she said, but it exists because that is the situation that benefits the human species and is necessary for reproduction. Anything else is unnatural.

Now, let’s think about this for a second. First premise: traditional marriage. Traditional marriage had nothing to do with the fact that it is a good situation for kids. Marriage came about as a way to own women. Kids came out of those property exchanges, and then the women were stuck in them with a second kind of adhesive. When women had no right to divorce, women had to work at saving relationships. Maybe that’s why they call it “making it work.” If you’re forced to be somewhere you don’t want to be, they call it work.

Secondly, to the argument that (and stop me if you’ve heard this one) gay marriage is “unnatural.” Basically, our entire society comes not from nature, but a creation of our collective imagination, innovation, and, yes, evolution. Perhaps that argument doesn’t hold water for these esteemed thinkers because they don’t believe in evolution. That aside, these people haven’t changed in 200 years, when they first began arguing against interracial marriage.

I have to say, homosexuality is not an invention of modern times. For many thousands of years, literature from less prudish cultures and eras than the European tradition has documented many, many homosexual relationships throughout the ages. These people who claim homosexuality, or homo eroticism, even, to be unnatural are suppressing it within themselves. Let’s face it: most of us have had homosexual attractions. I know many, many people who have had same-sex attractions or love interests who may or may not have acted upon them.

That aside, let’s think of it another way. WHO CARES? Why do these people invest so much time and energy into butting into everyone else’s lives? And if marriage is weakened, who cares? It wasn’t started to make people happy; it began as a way to control women and exchange property. We have come a long way since then; so should the “sacred” union of marriage.

Which brings me to another interesting discussion: why is it that couples who live together before marriage have higher rates of divorce than couples who do not? Is it because many people who live together decide that they should eventually get married for financial reasons? Is it because “relationship inertia,” as I heard it described brilliantly by a co-worker today?

I really don’t know the answer to this question, but I have to say, I think marriage is outdated and stupid. I mean, it’s great if you’re living with someone to whom you are completely committed and in love with to be able to make that publicly known. However, marriage as an institution for society as a whole is incompatible with the modern world.

People have always stayed in marriages for many of the wrong reasons, like financial ones or cultural ones. Now, people are still entering into marriages for the wrong reasons, like family pressure or for tax breaks. Marriage is seen as the “logical next step,” and it would seem that the term itself is a harbinger of doom. It’s so weighted, and then there are all those absolutes. “’Til DEATH do you part. FOR-E-VER.” I mean, who wouldn’t be scared of that? There are plenty of reasons why people should get out of marriages, like abuse or infidelity. The thing is, most people take on marriage now without really meaning it. It’s not modern relationships that are causing this devaluation of marriage, but society. It’s so commercial. It’s about a dress, a huge party, and a big-old ring. Love is so romanticized, and it’s cheapened in the process. It’s not always like it is in the movies, and I think that’s hard for everyone to deal with.

And the truth is, it’s these same depressed, lonely, and hateful conservatives who are creating a world in which marriage is destined to fail – and they’re making a lot of money in the process. So, while they’re sitting in their townhouses telling gays to go back into the closet and admonishing the demise of traditional institutions, they could really care less.

All the courts in California said last week is that gay people are the same as straight people. They have every right to be as miserable as the rest of the people of this fine country. It’s about rights. To be honest, I wish we were fighting a more relevant battle; this one’s like fighting to be granted a seat on a crashing plane.

I’m completely in love, and I may get married someday, but I don’t need this meaningless institution to solidify my relationship. All I need is Uncle Sam’s tax benefit. Since I’m moving to California, HAND IT OVER.

Traffic and Trafficking

2008-05-19T17:04:00.000-07:00

I read an article in The New Yorker magazine about human trafficking. Wow, was it depressing. Basically, it exemplifies the idea of women as commodities for free trading around the world. Their bodies - or more appropriately, physiologies - are routinely degraded, devalued, and dehumanized for sex or the idea of sex. Part of me read this article in the, "Shame on the rest of the world for being so evil" point of view, but at the end, I thought to myself, "Shame on all of us."

The things we tolerate as women, and even propagate, in terms of patriarchy, are unreal. There are people out there who still don't believe in marital rape. There are daily infringements on our reproductive freedoms (women = baby machines), constant images of women as sex objects in advertisements from everything from perfume to beer to movies to fast food meals. My favorite manifestation of late, and my favorite topic of conversation around this daily humiliation, is the Heineken ads with the robotic woman-keg. Basically, this is advertised as the perfect woman: big breasts, big hips, without a personality or free will, and she pumps alcohol. Wow, great. The way this and arguably every society around the world treats women is despicable, and it leads to a culture in which human sex trafficking is allowed to continue. If women were respected everywhere, it would not be able to happen.

All or most of the women in the article wound up in Dubai as sex slaves. This would make perfect sense if Dubai were some hole-in-the-wall place out of the sights of the world (like if no one had ever heard of it), but it's not. It's one of the wealthiest, if not the wealthiest, cities in the wealthiest country in the world. Tons of US and other international corporations have huge stakes in Dubai, and many US universities are considering setting up international campuses there. This is a place where rich people go to play and free enterprise reigns, so it is no wonder that those same rich people pay a ton of money for sex with abused, illegal prostitutes. It is also no wonder that in a country where oppression of women is the norm, victims of trafficking are arrested instead of aided.

I think this all really gets back to not only our devaluation of women, but our complete and utter dependency on oil. This, of course, brings me to traffic.

There are too many people in New York. I cannot wait to leave this place. I took a long bike ride on Saturday, which would have been fine, but I rarely had an opportunity to glide uninterrupted through the streets because there was always some car not paying attention about ready to kill anyone with slower reaction times on a bike. It's a jungle out there, and they're all driving huge cars. You'd think with gas prices these people would stay home, but one should never underestimate the American impulse to get out and burn fossil fuels. It's amazing.

To conclude: stop human trafficking - ride your bikes.

Gay Marriage and Abortion, All in One Day

2008-05-16T17:52:00.000-07:00

The California Supreme Court yesterday overturned an injunction placed on gay marriages in San Francisco, ruling that bans on gay marriages are unconstitutional and discriminate against homosexuals. My girlfriend called me as soon as she heard about the ruling to make sure I heard and to tell me she loved me. "Isn't it great we're moving to California?" she said. Yes, it is great. Perfect timing. Of course, many friends e-mailed me, asking if they heard wedding bells for the two of us, but really what this means it that we can take things as quickly or as slowly as straight couples. The point is, we will have all of the options everyone else has, and that's awesome. This came in the afternoon of an already good day, and after that, it kept getting better.

I walked over to Grand Central to catch the train to the New York Academy of Sciences for an awards ceremony honoring abortion providers. The main award went to Dr. Mildred Hanson, a woman from Minneapolis, MN who has been providing abortions for 50 years. Before Roe v. Wade made abortion legal, Dr. Hanson practiced within the hospital system, working to get women safe, legal abortions. Before Roe, if you could prove you were crazy and a danger to yourself or others, you were allowed to get a legal abortion. Dr. Hanson was on her hospital's abortion committee, and she saw many desperate women in the days before legal abortion. In the documentary I promote as part of PRCH, Voices of Choice, Dr. Hanson tells a moving story of a young woman who called her in the middle of the night, desperately in need of an abortion. Dr. Hanson told her what to do to get one, but she later found out that the girl had killed herself. "To this day, I feel responsible for her death," she explains in the film.

At the awards ceremony, she told another incredibly moving story about a woman in Minnesota who died of sepsis as a result of an illegal abortion. The mortician came to drain the body of blood and placed the body over the heating grates, deeming that the best space to do so. The woman's children were upstairs, and when they looked down, they saw their dead mother being drained of blood. Horrific, and a gruesome reminder of the importance of protecting women's health and lives by keeping abortion safe and legal.

Despite these grim scenes and stories, the night was incredibly gratifying. I've never been more proud to work for a pro-choice organization, or of being pro-choice. These abortion providers were amazing. Dr. Susan Wicklund, the author of This Common Secret: My Journey as an Abortion Doctor, gave the keynote address, and she was moving and inspiring, as were all of the guests. Among them were Dr. Curtis Boyd, the doctor whose clinic was burned to the ground in New Mexico in December. He received special recognition for his battles and efforts while Dr. Hanson received the William K. Rashbaum Abortion Provider Award for dedication to women's health, the main award of the night. In the audience was Dr. George Tiller, the abortion provider in Kansas who has been embroiled in a legal witch hunt by anti-choice activists for over a year as he provides abortions up until the third trimester. He won the award last year, and he gave a moving address introducing Dr. Hanson as his mentor and constant reminder of the importance of this fight and this facet of healthcare. Also in the audience was Rev. Howard Moody, founder of the Clergy Consultation Service. The CCS was a network of clergy that investigated doctors to make sure they provided safe abortions and made referrals to women in need of abortions before Roe. He has been dubbed the "Harriet Tubman" of abortion. In addition to these big names a room full of other abortion providers and women's health advocates, heroes in their own rights. It was an amazing atmosphere of solidarity and celebration for those who provide the most stigmatized medical practice in human history.

I think my favorite part of the night was when Dr. Wicklund read excerpts from the PRCH website (the Why I Provide brochure) from members talking about their views of being abortion providers and experiences with patients. One doctor wrote that it was the only field where you fundamentally change women's lives for the better, heal them mentally and physically, and that abortion patients are the only ones who send thank-you letters. Another talked about how gratifying it was to care for women and help them through the most difficult chapters in their lives, giving them a new lease on life and a rebirth. Women's health providers and those who provide abortions love caring for women and their families. Dr. Hanson mentioned that abortion is a normal part of a woman's life, and that giving these women safe care means ensuring her children have a mother, ensuring her parents have a daughter. These doctors watched women die from the consequences of illegal abortion; they know that what they do makes for better families and a better society, and they know it is a public health necessity.

I was so moved by all of those speeches, and I'm still crying about them, but I couldn't help but think about the people out there whose sole purpose is wiping these people off of the map. It was a woman who shot George Tiller and nearly killed him, and abortion providers face dangers every day of their lives. Their families are threatened, their clinics are burned, all because they give women options to control their lives, have children when they can, and give some the compassion and care that they deserve during incredibly traumatic experiences. If you love women, you must believe in a woman's right to full healthcare, including abortion. During the times of illegal abortion, which millions of women around the world still live today, families lost their mothers, sisters, aunts, wives, and daughters. We cannot go back to those times here in the United States.

This event, in addition to the gay marriage decision, made me think about our politicians. Many of the articles after the California ruling centered around how it would reignite the political debate about gay marriage, which could hurt the Democrats. None of the presidential candidates, Democrat or Republican, support gay marriage, though Obama and Clinton support civil unions. All of these politicians will not stand up for equality but avoid these issues like the plague. That goes for abortion, too. They have never heard the stories I heard last night and throughout my tenure at PRCH from abortion doctors who put their lives on the line for women's health and rights, or if they have, they hide them in veils of secrecy.

Some day, I want a politician who stands up and talks about the importance of abortion, instead of just saying they're pro-choice. Some day, I want a president who works to end discrimination in the public square and supports the rights of all people to love and express that love just like anyone else. I want to live in a society where frank and honest discussion of freedom goes beyond debates over gun rights or the rights of bigots to say the "n" word.

That society has yet to be born, but I hope I'm in the delivery room when it is.

Ideology and Insanity

2008-05-14T20:05:00.000-07:00

A woman got on my subway train today and began to cite the ways we could all get into heaven. Mostly, her theory was, as you can probably guess, to worship Jesus Christ. After her loud and brilliantly-timed announcement (between Queensboro Plaza and 59th and Lex), which I got a special seat for because she was standing right next to me, she sat down in a seat by the window and began reading out loud to herself from the Bible, singing to herself, smiling... and basically acting crazy. Now, if she weren't reading from a Bible and instead reading from, oh I don't know, the Communist Manifesto or the latest novel by Danielle Steel, she'd be nuts. Of course, I don't think that the reaction on the train would be different, but I think in many places in the US, she'd even be admired.

I suppose this makes me an atheist. This woman has an imaginary friend who makes her run around subways screaming about someone, reading out loud to herself, and swaying to the gospel songs playing in her head. Nuts, right? Nope, just devout; no, really, crazy.

There are "pro-life" (anti-choice is what we call them in the pro-choice arena) people protesting in front of Planned Parenthood clinics in Wisconsin now protesting the pill. "The pill kills babies," they say. Now, I guess I should have seen this coming, but I guess in my heart of hearts, I didn't want it to be true. Sadly, it is. Now, these people: also nuts. Wrong, first of all, but that's not the point. They aren't going to pharmacies to protest condoms because they go on penises, which belong to men. They only go to places of women's health to protest women's health measures: mainly birth control and abortion.

Birth control kills because it might prevent implantation of an embryo, which I don't think it does, but let's leave that aside. They only care about women taking care of their lives. Sex, you see, is morally sinful, even though entirely natural, as is masturbation, and thus women should remain pregnant their entire lives if they choose to have sex. Sex is only allowed when conceiving children. So if you happen not to conceive, does that mean that you are sinning? Since pregnancy results statistically so rarely, are billions of women on a freight train bound for hell? Men, of course - go have all the sex you want.

On top of all this, these people also don't want anyone knowing about sex. Nope, it doesn't happen; abstinence is the key. Abstinence from what, you say? Stop asking questions. I'll have none of it.

Come on, these people are not just religious, they are CRAZY! Why can't we simply call a spade a spade? They believe in an imaginary force that will come down and smite us, and they think they are going to the happy place for shouting slurs at poor women walking out of health clinics. They're not morally righteous, they are just plain wrong - and they are CRAZY.

Unmitigated Disasters

2008-05-12T19:29:00.000-07:00

No, I'm not talking about my job search. I'm talking about Myanmar and China. Is it just me, or has the whole world gone to hell in the past like 10 days? Yes, I know, I live in the United States and even with gas being really expensive, I still have rose-colored glasses for the poverty and dire straits of the majority of the human community. Still, I think things have gone from bad to worse in the past two weeks.

For those of you not up on the news (but read my blog... ok, so maybe that's no one), a huge cyclone hit Myanmar about 10 days ago, and now the death toll has reached 32,000 people. The government, an illegal military junta whose only apparent allies are China and Thailand (and even they probably don't like them very much), refuses to let disaster relief agencies and NGOs unfettered access into the country to give aid to the desperate, starving people. They are afraid someone will kick them out of power. Now, here's what I don't understand. Apparently over the weekend, they had a referendum on whether or not these guys can stay in power. Of course, any opposition is brutally oppressed, like the Buddhist monks beaten some years ago for protesting the dictatorship. Thus, the vote was probably not honest. No shock there - as if without the cyclone it would have been honest. But the real thing that confuses me about this whole thing is this: wouldn't they look much better as a government if they LET PEOPLE INTO THE COUNTRY TO HELP THE CITIZENS NOT DIE? I mean, I get the whole iron-grip-on-power thing, but if the people weren't pissed off at them enough, now they're letting them die by the thousands. Think they're going to be happy about that? I predict, if the international community doesn't launch a humanitarian attack (yes, you heard me) first, a massive riot and political upheaval possibly in the next year. A people cannot stand being oppressed and denied basic human rights for very long. I would venture a guess that they wouldn't mow down the entire population of a country, and I think it's fair to say that there are more people than government officials. I'd take the public in that fight.

The second disaster was a massive - 7.9 on the Richter scale - earthquake in the Sichuan province of China. China, contrary to previous disasters, has been pretty upfront about the problems they now have with regard to rescue operations, and they have even been (we think) honest about the death toll. I think it's pretty obvious they are feeling international pressure to speak plainly about their need - if they have it - for aid considering a) the Myanmar situation and b) the upcoming Olympics. Perhaps people will be kinder to China if they open up a little. This is very good PR for an isolated, repressive society. Now, if only they'd extend their openness to human rights abuses and get to work on fixing them up. After cleaning up after the quake, I suppose that's the next item on their agenda.

While the US might previously have been in a position to launch an assault on Myanmar to forcefully get aid workers in to help the people, with American troops overstretched around the world and in Iraq, we are paralyzed, at least should it come to an out-and-out military conflict with the Burmese government. I guess it shows that one unmitigated disaster - Iraq - prohibits us from preventing another unmitigated disaster - Myanmar.

Of course, considering how well we did in aiding Katrina victims, other countries have every right to not want US involvement in their disasters. Yes, our own unmitigated disaster, and things are still not normal down there more than two years later. Our very own cyclone of epic proportions. Now, imagine if the world community had decided to invade the US because our government was not doing enough for the victims of that hurricane... Imagine if US citizens had risen up to overthrow our government in the wake of such inaction and ineptitude. What would have happened then?

Like a Fine Wine

2008-05-08T15:14:00.000-07:00

Very interesting New York Times article about wine and recent pot shots that critics have taken at oenophiles. Wine "snobs" certainly have their weaknesses, Eric Asimov writes. Some studies have shown that some people (among which I count myself) think wines that are more expensive taste better. It is hard to sell the cheapest wine on the menu, restaurant owners explain, because people do not want to seem cheap or uncultured. The more expensive wines must be better. Other studies have shown that cheaper wines actually outperformed more expensive wines in taste tests.

His article, however, brings into light the fact that wine free of context is difficult to discriminate. That is to say, wines taste better - or worse - depending on the situation. Case in point: I bought a wine the summer after my junior year of college. It was a Concannon Petit Syrah, 2004 (I believe). It was $15. This is the typical price I pay for wines. I stick to the $12 to $25 range, thinking that these wines are pretty consistently decent. With few exceptions, I have been right. In any case, I bought this wine and brought it home to drink that night with the woman I had been courting all summer. That wine tasted delicious as finally she caved to my obvious advances - and let me tell you, that was the BEST wine I've ever tasted.

The following week, she and I went to the grocery store to buy wine, and we both wanted the wine that had tasted so good that memorable night. We happily bought it, eager to reap the same enjoyment... and it fell flat on its face. It had tasted so good before - what had changed? I can tell you: the thrill, the novelty, the anticipation was gone, and it had nothing to do with the wine. Thus, my scientific conclusion: wine is not as good divorced of a good context.

Wine knowledge is not easy to come by, and even harder to remember. Do I like merlots? Do I like zinfindels? Which year was supposed to be good for California pinot noirs or Italian chianti? True, I rarely buy the cheapest wine on the menu, but that has begun to change. I've tried a lot of wines, and I'm starting to understand what I like. If that means I go for the $40 bottle and you think I'm being snobby, then ignore it - stop judging. There is a reason I'm making the purchase. I ask for recommendations, I read, I sample, and I try to make educated choices - but really, I do not need to justify my actions. I'm an adult - deal with your insecurities on your own time. If I like an $8 bottle more than a $20 bottle, it does not mean I am an ignoramus. The same goes for me liking a $40 bottle over a $15. Something is motivating me to buy that particular wine, and it's OK. So there! (Can you tell I'm a little insecure?)

I'm currently reading a book by Isabel Allende entitled Aphrodite. My girlfriend pointed out that I had not finished the book before I put it on my profile as one of my favorites, but there's a reason for that. I liked it 15 pages in, and I do not anticipate that changing. If I like a book because it moves me to cook or turns me on, then chances are, I'm going to keep liking it. Don't judge me based on how or why I like a book - I'm allowed to put it on my list, even if I've only read the introduction. (I mean, I didn't just judge the book by its cover... at least I made it inside.)

The book is really about not being judgmental about food or sex. If cinnamon works for you, then it works for you. If you need saffron to get your juices flowing, fine. There can be aphrodisiacs in any number of foods, and it also largely depends on context, love being the big one.

I've recently been buying books like that. One, The Whole Lesbian Sex Book, spends page after page telling the reader it's OK to be interested in things that are beyond the "norm" of your sexuality. It's fine to be interested in things that are frowned upon by better, more loyal gay people. If you fantasize about sex with Brad Pitt, embrace it and have fun with it.

The point is, readers, that you have a right to your preferences. Does it really matter that there is a better wine out there for cheaper? You could be fully educated on the joys of fish eggs and still not like caviar. And it's the same with wine. If you don't like $2 wines because they're not interesting, though entirely drinkable, that's fine - and that goes for those who only buy wines that cost more than $20, too. Stop feeling guilty, and embrace life to the fullest (or lightest, if that's what you're into).

Gender and Politics

2008-05-07T19:15:00.000-07:00

You know, I'm a sucker for reading articles that do little but confirm my previously held beliefs. I dislike reading things that challenge my views. However, I especially like it when articles that are brilliant say things that I have been saying. Of course, it makes me wonder, "Why didn't I write that?" That aside, however, it is incredibly life-affirming. It makes me feel like I have not had my head in the sand.

This is how I feel about "Post-Hillary Feminism," from the April 21, 2008 edition of New York Magazine, by Amanda Fortini. In discussing how gender played into this election and how women felt about Hillary's candidacy, it nails it. It is a phenomenal read, and though depressing at best, it ends happily, like all good magazine articles. She even articulated that wish that Senator Clinton would make an Obama-style speech on gender and sexism, and she gave voice to all the women out there who wanted it, too. I no longer feel alone in wanting to lash out at the political pundits or people who just don't get that sexism exists in a real way in this country. But is it true, what she says in the article? Is it the case that Hillary's campaign has been an awakening of a kind not seen in 30 years?

I have to be a little less optimistic than she is on this point. She leaves it open for the reader to speculate about what will come out of Mrs. Clinton's now seemingly doomed candidacy, but I suspect that nothing will. The few times sexism was pointed out in this campaign, despite its constant presence, was entirely obliterated by talk of national race issues and the likes of Jeremiah Wright. Women were once again ignored as a demographic in this country, and the dilemma that I'm sure many black women faced when choosing between Clinton and Obama was not discussed in enough detail if at all. People were much more likely to talk about race than sex, and the media buttressed those race discussions. Not so for gender. Like she says in her article, women who talk about gender all the time are denounced as hollering, whiny feminazis. Those who speak of race in a frank way are enlightened.

I think the thing I took away from her article was a sense of having a right to see gender bias wherever I go. I have a right to point out sexism to my friends and constantly try to raise consciousness. I have a right to glare or call out every man who stares at my breasts before he looks at my face. More importantly, I have a right not to be stared at at all. I have a right not to be called sweetie by every older man with whom I have contact. I have a right to be upset.

I do not want to work at something where I have to hide my feminist side. Make me a professional feminist. Better yet, make me a happy professional - and keep me a feminist. Those making a real difference are those who talk about these things constantly - and not just in academia. I have to stick it out and become a professional and talk about gender as much as I talk about politics. After all, they are completely inseparable.

Superheroes and Superdelegates

2008-05-06T19:28:00.000-07:00

I was glad to hear today that people are overestimating the differences between demographics voting for Clinton and Obama. Senator Claire McCaskill, an Obama supporter, is not deterred by ideas that this close and tough Democratic campaign has done any kind of irreparable damage to the party, and I think deep down, I agree. Still, I hope blacks turn out - at this point, I think they'll relish the opportunity for vote for a black candidate for President. I think Obama will be the nominee at this point. I'm kinda sad about it, not gonna lie. But, that being said, I'm done with this whole process, and once again, I'm back to thinking this is all politics as usual.

Basically, I think Senator Obama's right: real change only comes from the bottom up, not the top down. Ironically, he's running for that top position on a message of change. What does that mean? Does he think he's created a political machine here that is going to implement his just-as-moderate-as-anyone-else policy ideas from the street? If he has created a political movement here as he claims (though I do not think he has) and brought a bunch of new people into the political process, they are not going to accept anything less than a revolution with all his talk of change. If things don't change radically, he'll have some big problems, or at least those people will stop being involved in the voting part of the political process. I do not see him as the Democratic messiah. His message, though he speaks of change, is nothing out of the norm.

I'm back from New Hampshire, though now I think I'm coming down with a cold. Figures; I was exhausted yesterday so I took a personal day to get some sleep and drive back to New York with a little more rest, and now I'm getting sick. I'm going to work tomorrow - we'll see how the rest of the week goes. I really hate being sick.

Senator Clinton, who just finished speaking, sounded hoarse and tired. I wish her the best, and I'm still behind her. I have to say, I wasn't behind her idea of canceling the gas tax, but now she's saying she wants the oil companies to pay the tax. I don't know what's right. I have to admit; I'd love to see gas go back down to like $3.40 around here. I say that knowing full well that I have no choice but to pay whatever it is. I can't afford not to drive across the country, even though paying $380 to make that trek will be really, really painful. Cheaper gas won't make me drive more, nor do I think anymore that it will increase demand. After all, it's still really expensive, and all of America has no choice but to pay whatever the price to drive to work or take a vacation. The oil companies have us in a pinch. After all, I cannot ride my bike across the country to move and I cannot afford to buy a new hydrogen or biofuel car right now. So, cut the tax; what the hell. In any case, I'll be paying attention to where the superdelegates go over the coming weeks, reluctantly resigning myself to an Obama victory.

Speaking of superdelegates, I heard a great Science Friday podcast about Ironman and superhero superpowers. Apparently, they are working on a helmet that, when worn, can control a cursor on a computer screen by channeling brain power; basically, telekinetics. I'm very excited about that prospect. They took calls about people's favorite superpowers. What superpower would I want to have? I want to see into the future, specifically into what I'll be doing in 5 or 10 years. Beyond that, I think I'd like the power to "beam" myself from place to place. That would save me a lot in gas money.

Dress Zippers Suck

2008-05-03T17:00:00.000-07:00

I saw a Wired Magazine article featuring Sarah Silverman ranting about technology, and I decided to write my own little rant.

Dress Zippers. They suck. First, they eliminated the hooks on the top of the zippers, meaning someone HAS to help you zip up your dress. In fact, it really takes three people to put on a dress. If you try to do it yourself, it's impossible. First, no hook, meaning it takes one person to bow the zipper at the top and another to actually do the zippering so that the zipper can make it up to the top. Then, the zippers are so pathetically weak that it can't get over the seams of the dress. Really, I think they put seams on there that mess with the zippers just to get some sadistic glee - as if trying on dresses wasn't awful enough. Last year, I wound up crying. Yeah.

It went much better this time, though. Walked in after a 30-minute commute to find a dress in 15 - yes, 15 - minutes. Now, I have a dress for the wedding in two months and for this formal. I'm very excited. Now, I love JC Penny.

That's life. I'll write more later.

Update on the Obama-Wright Debaucle

2008-05-02T07:00:00.000-07:00

Spectacular article about coverage of the Reverend Wright's comments and Obama's reactions and how it's playing in the black community. The Reverend has the worst timing, it would seem, and he's only serving to divide the community. If it gets any worse, or the Obama campaign can't put it behind them, I worry that black voters are going to lose hope and interest and stay home. Though I'm not an Obama supporter, I'm well aware that this would be devastating for the Democratic party and, more importantly, national race relations. If a popular black candidate goes down in flames thanks to the predominantly white media, whatever little faith young blacks had in the political process will be dealt a serious blow.

My Love of History Continues

2008-05-01T18:59:00.000-07:00

Another awesome article in the New York Times (I know - shocking that I would read the Times) about a new book by Tony Horwitz recounting completely forgotten history of the United States.

I liked being a historian. I tell myself that if I become a decent writer, perhaps I will pursue a professorship - or, more accurately, a PhD. I will reconnect with ET (initials for a friend, not the beloved fictional extraterrestrial) and see what she has to say about life as a slavish history graduate student.

Speaking of history, I just read my girlfriend's paper on Woodrow Wilson's religiosity. Apparently, his father was a big-time Presbyterian and greatly encouraged his son to be highly involved in the religion, particularly with respect to morality. Wilson's policies, though, were not focused on making the country more religious but instead on spreading morality. I don't really know how successful he was (I'm not a Wilson scholar), but I'd love to have a contemporary leader personally religious who was more interested in spreading good and improving the world than focusing his energy solely on ensuring the rise of rabid Evangelicalism.

In other news, today is May Day. My thesis research comes flying back into my head from the dark recesses of memory: this is a big holiday for workers of the world, and not just industrial ones. It commemorates the gigantic general strike in Chicago in 1886 and the Haymarket Massacre, which was a bombing that occurred at a demonstration protesting the previous day's police raid on peaceful striking workers. The demonstrators were held accountable, though anarchists always thought it was the police that framed the strikers, and four anarchists were hung. They became the "Haymarket martyrs," and the whole ugly affair gave anarchists a bad rap. They became bomb-throwing terrorists, not peaceful advocates for change through direct action. Thus, my thesis.

There were all sorts of demonstrations today in DC, the theme being immigration. Appropriate; after all, immigration really boils down to labor. Good for them; wish I could have been there. But alas... I had to work.

I think the US should celebrate workers by, I don't know, maybe NOT WORKING on May Day. I'm no day laborer, but I definitely could have used a holiday today. I think it's offensive that Americans don't celebrate their labor history the way the rest of the world does. Which brings me to the point: Americans work more days and longer hours than everyone else, and what do we have to show for it? We're fat, we're stressed, and we're a whole lot unhealthier than the rest of the developed world.

Arizona State Legislature Waxes Racist

2008-04-30T16:59:00.000-07:00

Apparently, the Arizona State Legislature thinks it's fine to ban affinity groups and other groups who promote unity in cultural values. Did anyone else see this? My better half brought this to my attention today. It's kinda horrifying.

From the Arizona paper who first reported it, with some choice quotes from state representatives. Big Brother hates your culture.

Wouldn't It Be Nice...

2008-04-30T15:25:00.000-07:00

I saw this photo in a New York Times article about the Giants at the White House and I thought to myself, Wouldn't it be nice if President Bush showed this much joy and lovey touching with, oh I don't know, someone other than a professional football player? Maybe someone poor? Wouldn't it be nice if he cared about others as much as he cared about pro sports?

I mean, I guess I should cut the guy some slack. Who wasn't rooting for the Giants in the Superbowl against the 18-0 Patriots? Everyone but those from Boston, I suppose...

Still, I think there are many other heroes out there more deserving of a pat on the back from the President - particularly those who make under $15 million a year. At least the President is consistent: he has stuck with his policy of only appreciating the company of those in his income bracket.

Now, on to more important things. I must admit I'm relishing the recent comments about Barack Obama from the now infamous Reverend Wright and Obama's sharply worded response. I think I just enjoy watching Senator Obama squirm. Now, I'm not one to put up a poster of Hillary Clinton on my wall and light a candle for her every night, but I think a healthy dose of petty media reality can't be bad for Obamaniacs.

The real test will be if his loyal followers stick with him when the going gets tough and he has to fight his way out of this completely overblown scandal. Before, white racists had to cower and pretend they would vote for a black man running for president. Now, they can come out and say they're not because he has a racist pastor. The irony is overpowering.

I don't know how this whole thing is going to come out in the end. I do, however, think it was ridiculous for anyone to think that one man could escape divisive identity politics in this country. Every woman in the country knew that Senator Clinton could never escape her gender, that some people (hopefully, those old ones who will be dead in fewer than 20 years) would never vote for a woman, but many actually thought that Obama could somehow rise above race. The fact is, he cannot. He did not run as a "black" candidate, talking about racial injustice, the crisis in the black community, systemic discrimination that has created a bleak world for young Black Americans, and some saw this as his advantage. He could speak to everyone because of his bi-racialism, but many thought he could hide the black part of that identity. Really, that's what being a unifier means: ignoring the tough facts about why we are as divided as we are.

I appreciated the speech he made about black resentment and poor white hostility and economic injustices that create polarization, but I wanted him to have made it sooner. I felt like one could not claim to be a candidate of unity and ignore half of one's identity. That is not to say that he should only speak about race issues because he is black; everyone who wants to talk about fixing the country should be talking about race, and he should talk about other problems, too. However, I do think that he could talk more about taking on racial injustice, which is inseparable from economic injustice, and that then he would be saying something new.

The same goes for Senator Clinton. I really wanted her to respond to Obama's speech with a bit of a lesson in feminism or women's rights, or sexism and how damaging it has been, what kind of society that has created... but the truth is, she would have been sunk.

Virtually everyone, according to a recent poll, think it's OK to be sexist. Sexual harassment, wage gaps, that's all de rigueur. The recent Supreme Court case, which ruled that wage discrimination cases much be filed within 180 days of the alleged discriminatory act, basically codified pay discrimination, and Republicans are trying to prevent a legislative fix from being passed. See, it is OK to be sexist; Congress says so.

Ripping Off Better Titles

2008-04-29T20:06:00.000-07:00

I consulted with a family friend today about my complete and total confusion about what to do with my life, what career to undertake, and other little insecurities. What if the right job isn't out there for me? What if I start losing myself in the midst of cover letters and drafts of my resume?

He told me to make my own job. The verdict's still out on that, but I've decided in the meantime to try out writing. Thus, my first post on my new blog. In a few months, I'll be taking a trip across the country to embark on a new chapter in my post-college life, a mere year after turning the page to the first. I want to meet lots of people, take lots of pictures, enjoy the ride, and make it to Los Angeles in one piece, emboldened by a new love for driving, countryside, and life away from the "right" coast. Stay tuned for interesting posts before then as I take on the blogosphere.

I wanted to call this post "A New Beginning," but I figured there was some novel or movie that had previously nabbed the somewhat hackneyed phrase. I haven't googled it, but I'm sure that's the case.

As far as my blog title goes, this was a shot in the dark. I wrote a piece for the winter Class of 2007 alumni newsletter entitled, "Acceptance is Key," and I realized I should be practicing what I preached in those 500 or so words. Unfortunately, I am experiencing difficulty with it and find myself fighting a losing battle with accepting the unpredictability of life after college. Thus, the contradicting terms: Acceptance and Rebellion. I hope to expound more on my personal rebellion at many later dates (read: I hope I have enough rebellion to write about).